You could have been killed today!

2009-08-29T16:53:00.001-07:00

Uhm, yeah

2009-07-21T15:22:00.001-07:00

Channel 4 is so laughable now... I just hate that stupid man in the blue blazer with curly hair stating these stupidily ironic things... LMAO... yeah ¬.¬

Utter shite includes:

"My spam filter's got it in for me. It keeps preventing me from winning the Nigerian lottery."

"How do you know what comparison site's the best?"

"My weather site has the wind direction." *does stupid prance*

"Search engine: answering life's big questions like... 'What else has he been in?'"

In other Channel 4 rubbishness:

"Have You Been Watching?" is the worst television show on right now. Ever. Basically this ugly man presents whose eyes are about two meters further back from his chin, moaning about... just about everything on television right now. Yes, yes, Big Brother is abysmal. But so is this completely hypocritical show.

Quoth:

"It was absolutely fucking shit."
"Oh, do you watch it?"
"Yes."
[Roar of (forced, probably) laughter.]

It is fundamentaly flawed! In order to laugh/moan/bitch/lampoon rubbish tv, you need to watch it first to know it's rubbish... But then you keep on watching it...? Stupid weird-faced man.

Do these come in orange?

2009-07-20T08:10:00.001-07:00

He says, holding a two bunches of broccoli. Yes, I'm talking about the Dale Winton clip in Asda.

On another note, however, for my summer project I've decided to collate all the nasty, naff, nauseating, noisome and noxious clothes on ASOS and make it into a nice collage! Alexander McQueen is, by far, the worst offender. Also, the choice of model... Just no. Never has the devil been good looking. You'll have to wait till next time when I've made the collage and have a picture of his face.

Yesteryear I returned from Heather's abode. We all went to Aldi to buy lots of crap... Not as cheap as I expected! Still yet to enter a Lidl. Besides, some of the stuff was absolutely disgusting.

First off were the cheese corners—they were not corners; they were pyramids. And the cheese! What cheese was that? Amy ended up throwing hers out the window then I followed suit. I got further xD Heather brought up "Poppin Chicken" thereafter but I feared it was undercooked as it was a little gooey and... lukewarm. Next were the potatoes wedges (this was a four-course meal, after all): bland. Sorry! Even apple brown sauce never made them any better than their state of culinary limbo. Oh, what was next? Ah, rocket and mozzarella pizza. By Jove, it tasted like bacon. I kid you not. We ate half of it... I recommended we leave it in the oven forevermore; well like half an hour. Eventually the room filled with smoke (no smoke alarm?) then Heather went outside as we then realised she had asthma. Whoops.

As everyone was outside, we played tig; eventually succumbing to locking Xiang outside. Meanwhile, Amy, Hayley, Xiang (he managed to body slam the door) and I were sitting around the table in the kitchen, whilst Heather and Sammie were doing their business in the living room. I think we talked for a long, long time, before we finally had to make our own fun. Yes, making concoctions for each other to drink/eat made from three rank ingredients combined in the kitchen cupboards. I made Hayley a mincemeat-icing sugar-Robinson's OJ drink! Ew. XD

Amy made me one and someone else someone else... I can't help it! It's the retrograde amnesia, y'see? After making each other drinks, Sammie came in and gave us into trouble >.> *SIGH* for opening all the stuff in the kitchen (even though it was already open...). Oh well! It was time for me to go home now (and Xiang) as I do not like leaving my house unoccupied for fear of burglary from the heroin addicts several closes down. Scum of the earth! Some may take offense at that... It's their own fault for getting into that state. No one to blame but themselves. [Goes back to reading the Daily Mail.]

Aaaanyway, in other news I will finally be able to afford some spending money for Rome fairly quickly as I now work in Marks & Spencer!

How dare he

2009-07-15T08:27:00.000-07:00

MJ is dead! How DARE he!

I wanted to go see him in concert! Outrageous. I'm still not over his death. I wish he was my dad... yes, that does seem a little odd... but I could just tell him to hit out with "Beat It" then I'd be happy. So yeah, he's been on WMP for aaages now.

We ordered a giant Tesco order online, totalling about £80... lol. Most of it was my fortnightly shop anyway to survive. So everyone was up, then Xiang starting moaning at the food i prepared for him for dinner. "I SHOULD HAVE HAD THE PASTA!!!!" How ungrateful!

Oh well, in the end we started singing "just beat it!" at him whilst pointing at the door. So then we all watched Masterchef... and thank god we did; otherwise we would have never have heard "BOOZY PRUNES" in a hilarious voice. Even this guy noticed too! Thank god.

I put them in this frisbee, then I throw them at the little children!

2009-05-24T13:23:00.001-07:00

Goodness gracious! I just returned from my daily swim on my beautiful Fijian beach and realised I have not updated this since petrol was cheaper than a bottle of Grange... You would not believe the amount of people that are totally stalking me. Unbelievable.

I am distracted with my obsession of saving money, choosing my retirement village, just generally being a great friend to my friends (they love it!). My day sprawls from the moment my children manage to unlock my bedroom door and use me as a jumping castle to well after sun-down. I am so tired of my kids wanting me to give them attention and stuff. Can't they see I am blogging?

I absolutely, positively promise if one more person emails me to ask why I haven't posted today I will start posting pictures of toe fungus, or fecal murals. Well, I'll try. Don't hold your breath though, you're likely to turn blue...

Also this

2009-05-22T17:13:00.001-07:00

Xiang says (01:08):
can I see your blog?
Excellent wretch! says (01:10):
you'll have to find it >.>
you've seen it before... i remember
Xiang says (01:10):
I lost the link ;_;
Excellent wretch! says (01:11):
you'll have to find it!
it's the amelia earhard of the blog world

Posh Hot Schnappsolate

2009-05-22T17:10:00.001-07:00

I just finished drinking a hot chocolate and eating a croissant (I'm not French, honest) and watching The Reader. My mum already finished reading the book and I haven't started (still reading the other Kate Winslet book Little Children), but I think it'll be next on the reading list. I –still– have books from 2007 that I haven't read. I just read slowly!

Yesterday was the maths exam which, I am pleased to say, (I think) went rather well. [Salvador] Sally [Struthers] says Zai-Betch says he got 100%. ~~Ponce...~~ Arse.

Yesterday I was on the verge of a breakdown. This may be over-dram but I was convinced I had lost my art folder. Yeah, yeah, it's an art folder but it is a year's worth of work and the deadline for it is at the end of this month and I don't think I could make twenty A2 pages in a week! Even if it did happen, thank fully I always have some sort of (back up) plan.

The plan involved my friends coming up to my house, printing off pictures from the internet, cutting, blu-tac-ing it all down, drawing, feeding them, (hopefully not bathing them) and possibly a £5 cheque at the end! I would love to have run said sweatshop. ;_; Oh well, too bad for them and me that the art folder was in school. (However that meant I had to get up at 10 so I would get to school at 11, for fear that the school would close early at around half 12 due to the last exam finishing sometime around then.)

Most things were booked a week or so ago, but Xiang, Amy, Heather and I are all of to Rome at the end of the summer holidays! Something I am looking particularly forward to. The KLM (Ryanair – No ta) flights were £150 rtn but because Heather was unsure about attending in the first place, they increased slightly to £180 as time went on. However, me saving up my AIR MILES <3 over the past... three years... managed to get it at a fraction of the price >_> Don't tell them.

Quoth the Salvador Sally:

Excellent wretch! says (01:03):

oh dear, apparently ponce means male homosexual (HOMO-SEXUAL)

Xiang says (01:05):

... JE NE SUIS PAS UN PONCE!

Excellent wretch! says (01:06):

Xiang says (01:06):

you were talking about amelia earhard. This is one theory:

"Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean."

Xiang says (01:07):

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in evolution

*earhart

Excellent wretch! says (01:07):

isnt he some rubbish actor?

lmao "amelia earhard" is going on my blog

Xiang says (01:08):

he's a martial artist that chainmai loves

*chainmail

Ninny

2009-05-21T15:20:00.001-07:00

Oh for crying out loud! I just had a cup of tea and realised I have not updated this since they invented sliced bread... You would not believe that I actually have a life. Stupid global warming!

I am lost in a sea of pseudo-olde-english whilst setting fire to people wearing Crocs, soaking in the tub, just generally being a nuisance to various lawyers I met recently, and performing in English examinations. My day seems to be packed from the second I am woken by murderous Teletubbies to 11am at which point I fall asleep on the couch. I am totally exhausted and need to finish my art folder. I wish you could be here to share it. Honestly.

But really, it's just an honour to be nominated alongside so many other toothsome beans. I want to thank my agent, who stuck with me after I was found hollering at that bath plug—not Jacqui Smith's. I'd like to also thank my fuzzy family, and the golden globetrotter. I better stop now before I say something stupendous. Thank you, and holy moly.

PS: I solemnly swear I will update you with my nefarious activities as soon as I get a chance. Assuming I don't get distracted eating Pepperidge farm cookies, M&S cookies, Buchanan's Creams from Tesco or Quality Street.

2009-04-05T14:55:00.000-07:00

I forgot to leave you with this Photoshop Disaster. Ciao!

No, tobacco is not one of your five-a-day

2009-04-05T14:34:00.001-07:00

Well Amy and I went into town to find some ugly sweaters for Heatherina the Ballerina's Ugly Sweater Party. After a while in TK Maxx, Amy found, quite possibly, the most hideous and ugliest thing I'd ever seen to grace the earth. It's black with sky blue palm trees with lots of sequined jewels and bedazzler thingys.

I unfortunately had just a few candidates. There was pretty bad Ralph Lauren vest that weighed a tonne, but I think it was in the region of £50. There was another bad t-shirt that was red, white and blue and had the number 1 all over it... for some reason; that was also pretty dear, at £17. I mean, I'm only going to be wearing this once and I'd rather not pay that for it.

And so we grew hunger forevermore and travelled to Millies Cookies and Burger King (fatties), and continued on my quest for an ugly sweater. Blah blah blah, then Sainsbury's phoned Amy saying she was supposed to be working so she had to leave.

I had a look in Zara been never seen anything... well I did, but they were £50 shoes. *sigh* But I think Zara need to seriously address their size issues... not EVERYONE is an extra large, y'know?

Put that collar down; this isn’t 1999

2009-04-02T13:56:00.001-07:00

I am glad my dissertation is close to completion. I just need to write some more stuff on word choice, even though I'm certain I briefly mentioned it. Nonetheless, I shall expand and hand it in on Monday, April 20^th.

Today was, as usual, exasperating. Dr. Gavin has something to say about everything and, when I was asked on my studying timetable and I said I study for less than an hour a day, and saying I was doing three Advanced Highers, had the most ridiculous and spasmodic episode I've seen in a long time. Thank god school is almost over. That class just sucks the life out of anything imaginable.

Tomorrow will be... shite, at least in school. I have a free period, then a crappy thing in church for about an hour, during that time I will be alone as neither Heather nor Amy are coming in tomorrow. Hopefully I'll find Hayley or Xiang, assuming the latter is not humming of fish.
Then there is double art, which is actually alright as I'm making a nice collage, so that could be the second-most highlight of tomorrow. On the other hand with art, it means lugging a gigantic folder home.

Because of folder crappiness, I will go home and drop that and my bag off and my set into town with my aunt or something, as I need to buy a new shirt. Zara seems to come to mind as I've seem to be buying a lot from there recently, despite their quality and apparently "cheap" prices. But at least the stock is updated, like, twice a week apparently (eavesdropping on staff) and, unlike, H&M, you can go into school and not have 25 other people wearing the same clothes as you.

Anna Karenina, 2009

2009-03-28T17:51:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry I've deserted you for so long, this blog outage (bloggage?), but I really can't be bothered with you. This is practically a ghost blog anyway.

I've discovered that there's an Anna Karenina blog post for reading in 2009. I am, of course, 88 days behind, and it is rather disappointing to realise that others have already finished! [Link] However, I am thirty odd pages into Crime and Punishment and it seems to be a little confusing... but perhaps it's just me. I will need to continue reading... surely there is a chart thing on the internet that can tell me how much to read each night so I can finish by a certain time. Actually, I have discovered this reading timeline so I am not behind! This is actually wonderful news and I am quite happy... Lord, this is sad.

Everyone in English is moaning about Antony and Cleopatra but if you would just appreciate how good it is, then I think you'd notice how magnificent it is. I still have to re-read it and but notes on it, and the nice people in Borders traded my A Streetcar Named Desire for Othello notes, the other Shakespearean play we have to study.

It is 00:50 and Xiang is forcing me to play spelling bee... I'm pretending I can't notice anything on the website; I shall finish this tomorrow, sans spelling bees.

Oh

2009-02-23T14:32:00.000-08:00

Apparently there is to be a new RoboCop film.

I actually can't be arsed writing about what happened at my house...

Four Years

2009-01-30T13:07:00.001-08:00

Has it really been that long since I first typed the first post?

That deserves a special celebration:

UGLY SWEATER PARTY

The concept is simple. There really is only one place to get ugly sweaters: TK Maxx. There will be prizes for the ugliest sweater. Why, this is what white people do, according to the blog, including correcting grammar mistakes (yes! I do that >.>) and drinking Nescafé Gold Blend. Well that one wasn’t in it, but it should be... Actually it is, #1: Coffee.

It doesn’t specifically say Nescafé Gold Blend, but it should be.

I am frequently reminded that it is on offer in Sainsbury’s! But I shall forever be faithful to Tesco.

And so the show must go on

2009-01-30T12:53:00.001-08:00

Well it really has been a long time since I updated this and it kind of seems like a lost cause. But never mind, I shall go on and work in reverse chronological order.

I bought a really nice top from Zara today. It's like a cardigan but it's got a hood, but it isn't heavy like a hoodie. Hmm, a hoodigan. I also got this egg, bacon and truffle breakfast Panini (Word says Panini should be capitalised) from Starbucks (I'm certain it was truffles but it could have been—dare I say it?—mushrooms). It was really nice for a breakfast thing at four pm! I got this brilliant Tennessee Williams One-Act Plays novella, it's really good. Some are a little boring and redneck but others are such an influence for these plays that I've been writing for English on Thursdays. WILLIAMS! I have a new favourite playwright—Woody Allen and William Shakespeare are shite. So is Arthur Miller. Snoozefest.

I had everyone come up to my house and there was hilarity, lateness and crepes to ensue. I, of course, made them as I am such a culinary and gastronomic prodigy. They eventually turned out like blobs near the end because I ran out of batter and I couldn't be bothered making another batch for two people. And I would have wasted an egg. Also, I keep making the delectable Nigella Lawson spruced-up vanilla cake! Oh my lord it is practically orgasmic.

I had to attend this, thought it would be, awful furniture convention at the Galerie d'art Moderne (that always sounded much nicer in French) but it turned out to be alright. There was a one hour talk on furniture design—think someone from IKEA talking to you for an hour about all the furniture in the store. Then I, alone, the only person from the school, and about twenty other pupils from an art college went down to look at all the paintings and draw some inspiration from them. Of course, I drew a stupid tree trunk. [One hour lunch break.] We then proceeded to design something from the shapes, basically what we done last year, then I moulded it out onto this foamy thing then it ended up looking like a giant foam tooth. I returned to school then threw the tooth at Xiang in maths.

I turned 17 in January—it really wasn't that excited as there's nothing you can do at 17 that you couldn't at 16. Yes, besides driving, but I'm excluding that as I find it completely irrelevant. I got money, clothes and some books. I'm still waiting on Common Errors in English. Cough. Although that does remind me that I've to pay Amy for those darn papers. I'm also away to New York again at the end of February for a week, so there shall be much buying of new and good stuff. Air Traffic Chaos! lol

I have a gigantic dissertation to do for English, as well as an Art and Design dissertation too. (Who would have thought you can get a grade by talking about the wonders of designers and lamps?) But Art is good fun and I shouldn't complain cos it's really just my fun subject that I chose.

My stupid cat is so unbelievably greedy. I thought cats were supposed to be fussy but, oh lord, not him. He's always got his face in the bin looking for food, or he jumps onto your shoulder when you have a bowl of cereal so you end up looking like Cerberus is your Siamese twin. But I mean, we feed him and all, he eats it then he eats more and that ends up being just too much for him so he's always sick after that—I just don't understand him. And he's so bloody noisy in the morning! I really need to move than ironing board. I also have a new computer, but it's not that exciting. It's nice and black. Also! I've found a brilliant blog, although I have heard of it before, it needs an official mention: stuffwhitepeoplelike.com

...

2008-12-31T13:29:00.000-08:00

I can't really think what to post... So have this:

Selling Scheduled Air Travel

2008-08-05T02:43:00.000-07:00

Exam results! I woke up at half five at first, then six, then about five past eight before I finally got the e-mail xD

Chemistry - A
English - B
Mathematics - A
Art and Design - A
Biology - A

Ragdoll!

2008-07-31T13:10:00.000-07:00

Ah! My auntie has a ragdoll cat and it's so fluffy and placid, it just flops all over you and it's like a giant marshmallow, ha. It looks very much like this!

Still doing art crap. Results soon. Art crap.

Art

2008-07-26T08:06:00.001-07:00

I've finally started work for school (that does mean browsing the internet for lamps, but you do find some nice ones. Anyway, I came across this:

I don't know what it is... but I do love it.

Untitled #2

2008-07-18T08:44:00.000-07:00

I thought this might not be appropriate, but then I realised "Yes, as a joke!" and I'm sure there are worse.

Praise the lord

2008-07-18T08:00:00.001-07:00

Thank god I never had to go into town, but no wonder! It was very rainy indeed. But then I did feel bad because it was sunny and I finally went down to M&S for battered prawnies.

Fantasy band!

• Go to Wikipedia and the first random article you get after clicking the 'Random article' button is the name of your band.
• Then go to www.quotationspage.com, hit the random quotations button, and the last four words of the very last quote on the page are the title of your first album.
• Finally, go to http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/ and the third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

Name:
Lawrence (the first one was "List of Death Note characters" but I wasn't having that!)
Album:
"Information in The World"
Cover:

SHE'S WEARING CROCS! UGH. But other than that, it's a pretty good image xD

Gumsy Wotsit!

2008-07-15T18:20:00.000-07:00

Oh my god, I think tomorrow (really 10 hours from now) is going to be really bad. Mainly because it'll be crap! But it's going to be a counter-balance because I have to make a big fat cake. And that cous cous I served to everyone two days ago was two months out of date.

I've ordered Sybil: The True Story of a Woman Possessed by Sixteen Separate Personalities by Flora Rheta Schreiber, and Infidel by Ayaan Hirsi Ali. Everyone needs a controversial author every now and then. My reading list over the summer has now swelled: Frankenstein, The Island of Doctor Moreau, Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Anna Karenina, Crime and Punishment, We, Understanding Mental Illness and finally Teach Yourself Psychology.

I just wish I was like Celine:

"Celine has an over-sized brain." - Mr. G.

Untitled #1

2008-07-14T18:39:00.000-07:00

This week and the last have been good! Endless Trivial Pursuit and watching Bargain Hunt at 4.20am. Of course, I eventually did have to retire but that means not waking up until two in the afternoon.

Xiang, on the other hand, has stained my cushions! Dirty bastard. He did not appreciate the picture of his face on Madonna's cone bra stuck to my front door's peephole, and the picture of him dressed in female's clothing [furfag] on the main door. The look on his face was the most hilarious thing I have seen in quite some time. If you can imagine a cross between the emoticons of T_T and :@

Where've you been, bitch?

2008-07-08T09:03:00.000-07:00

Oh, thank god you're here. I don't have a lot to type about except that this is distracting me (pfft) when I should be reading all of my English books! But I've had the entire house to myself for two weeks as my parents have gone half-way across the world -- thankfully I don't like beaches. So I've just been eating lots and lots of ice cream and dulce de leche whilst watching Special Victims' Unit. I'm just like Brave Africa: A laugh riot.

I

2008-06-07T17:02:00.000-07:00

cannot believe that it is actually June and this year is almost half over. What a waste. Nevertheless, my eyes have been glued to this monitor as for about three days solid I've just sat and watched all of Lost's season three. I absolutely hate Sky for stealing one of the few things Channel 4 was good at, but at least they aren't at a snail's pace for getting episodes. Still, bastards.

The Flan Man

2008-05-24T18:27:00.000-07:00

Well this was ages ago at night (naturally) but I had the most oddest dream. Several people from the art classes this year were in it, some of whom I've rarely spoken to, and one whose Scottish name I just cannot spell and Google won't help me. Anyway, we were all taken to the Mitchell Library but then we left for "Edinburgh Library" since Mitchell is too noisy.
After we arrived there, in what could only be The Flan Man's car, we all sat around this table then Sophia had a bag of Maltesers. And since I am practically a Malteser myself I stole them from her. Now, at the climax, someone threw a pink snooker ball at The Flan Man's head then we all had to leave, never to return. Then I woke up.

Antioxi-WHAAA?!

2008-05-24T16:58:00.000-07:00

Oh CRA, how dare you take over Welch's! I love their grape juice. Cranberry juice is only number two now. *tear*

First, I must rant. But that word is over-used, really.

And so I sign the little prescription form, claiming that I'm in higher education (I don't think I am, but I'm certainly not paying! I don't even have a job. And don't get me started on bus fares to that apathetic place on the other side of the city) when I'm not. So I have to sit in this new chair (several weeks ago they were all of a different variety) which are all uniform. Bizarre!

Anyway, after about five minutes, this heroin junkie comes in then goes into this little booth with the "METHADONE. NO CHILDREN ALLOWED" sign scrawled in giant bold letters, but I let it pass as I keep staring ahead, not wanting to see her tainted visage, even though about ten other people were all in line first.

Still sitting in this leather seat that was becoming uncomfortably hot, another crackhead comes in and is served before me. HOW DARE SHE? (xi)

My name is called and so I can only feel Schadenfreude and announce the embarrassment of them by asking if those addicts are more important than actual sick people; of course, they are probably emotionally sick. But she just stares, and I don't really care so I just leave. I hope this doesn't happen again otherwise it'll be a not-so-anonymous letter people will be receiving.

Ah

2008-05-23T12:46:00.000-07:00

We are Siamese if you please,
We are Siamese if you don't please,
We are former residents of Siam,
If we like we stay for maybe quite a while.

Do you see that thing swimming round and round?
Yes. Maybe we can reach on in and make it drown,
If we sneaking up upon it carefully,
There will be head for you and a tail for me.

Do you hear what I hear? A baby cry.
Where we finding baby there are milk nearby,
And if we look in baby buggy there could be,
Plenty milk for you and some for me.

Crap

2008-05-21T13:12:00.000-07:00

I was forced to travel half way across the city to the apathetic Glasgow Fort. Having the layout of a concentration camp, I was further forced into numerous crap shops.

Eventually I managed to go into Boots and buy wine gums and a cranberry and apple juice, but the latter was rubbish as it was still. I only like sparkling cranberry or still cranberry, not a combo! The Topman there smelt of kippers, then finally walking outside a seagull almost shat on me. I am not impressed.

2008-05-21T07:47:00.000-07:00

Why was I not informed that Law and Order is on in the morning?

PS: Jehovah has not arrived yet.

Morning!

2008-05-17T15:14:00.001-07:00

Today there was a chap on the door and on the mat were two jolly, smiley ladies.

"Hello," I said. "Hello," they said, "and good morning."

"Morning" I said, as you cannot fault my manners.

"Have you," they asked, continuing to smile, "ever thought about letting Jehovah into your life?"

"Well," I said, "maybe, but it all depends if he is prepared to do his bit. If he is just going to lie around watching BBC Parliament and think he's God, then no."

At that point they acted as if they had rather gone off the idea of Jehovah coming into my life. "Thank you for your time," they said, shifting uneasily from foot to foot and shuffling their papers, "but we must get on."

However, I liked the sound of this Jehovah, who might prove handy, and I was not going to let the ladies get away that easily.

"Do you think," I asked, "that he might even babysit twice a month, instead of my doing it? After all, he sent his son to be looked after by us, so it seems only fair that he looks after my brother and sister every other Saturday, don't you think?"

They said: "We can see you are busy."

But I said: "I certainly am not. I haven't been busy since 1992 and even then I was just pretending. Tell you what, why don't you send this Jehovah over and we'll see how we all get on."

"Tuesdays are best for me, as I never pretend to be that busy on a Tuesday. Thursdays are out, though, as I pretend to be at my busiest on Thursdays. Thursdays are a nightmare. If you ever call on a Thursday and I am short with you, you'll know it's because I am just so busy pretending to be busy."

They said: "Thank you for your time. Is your neighbour in, do you know?"

I said I do not know. I said that, furthermore, I had always hated him and his goods. I once post a branch through his letterbox, so it's not as if we're exactly on speaking terms."

Also, I added, "I recently kicked his washing machine on the stoop and shouted as his budgerigar through the walls." They said: "Goodbye."

"Whoa!" I continued, "what about Jehovah?" Are you going to bring him next Tuesday or not?"

"We can see you are busy," they said, moving towards the other door.

"Only pretending to be busy," I said. "There's a world of difference."

In the end, there was no stopping them going, but they did leave me a leaflet called Why You Can Trust The Bible.

I read it, just as I read everything: cereal packets, mini-cab cards, serving suggestions, nutritional information and even those advertisements for extra-wide shoes and things that allow you to let your trousers out as always featured in the back of the Daily Express, a newspaper which appears to have a readership compromised solely of people with waists and feet the width of sofas.

And so I read the leaflet, which starts with: "Some people say the Bible is unreliable, and their views have gained wide acceptance."

What? Some people don't accept it was written 6,000 years ago. Are you sure? This is madness.

"Thus many dismiss what the Bible says as untrustworthy."

Not me, I would have told the smiley ladies, had they not been so keen to 'get on.'

I take it all very literally, which is why I poked out the eye of my womanservent yesterday when I discovered she was stealing from me and then stoned to death Daft David from across the road for swinging on the washing line.

"Is there really any evidence that the Bible is unreliable?"

I hope not. Or I'm going to be in big trouble with the human rights people, the police, and possibly, even, the British Dental Association.

You see, my dentist took it upon himself to take out one of my teeth, so I went back the next day and took out one of his. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth and all that.

Afterwards, I went to the opticians, but they shut their door and put up a closed sign when they saw me coming. I will never go to that optician again. Their loss.

"Has anyone ever shown you an actual example of the unreliability of the Bible?"

They might have tried, but until I get some reading glasses, I really will never know.

"Some persons will draw attention to what they consider a discrepancy in the Bible, asking: 'Where did Cain get his wife?'"

Why would some persons do that?

"The assumption is that Cain and Abel were the only children of Adam and Eve."

That is generally the assumption, yes.

"But the assumption is based on a misunderstanding of what the Bible says."

I'd think carefully about where you're going with this, if I were you.

"The Bible explains that Adam 'became father to sons and daughters'."

If you are now about to say what I think you are about to say, I'd recommend keeping quiet and settling for the Bible being unreliable and not to be taken literally. But no! Here we go:

"Thus Cain married one of his sisters."

Oh, well, that's all right then. Phew. Fun for all the family.

"Often, critics are just looking for contradictions."

Loons.

Just wait until Jehovah pops round next Tuesday and we'll see what he has to say about that! I just hope he doesn't read the Daily Express because, to be honest, I don't think I'd have the room.

(:

2008-04-30T12:29:00.001-07:00

Today was probably one of the best days in school, I think. Despite being accosted by Gryffy in the corridor about a stupid "Unit Three Prelim", staying behind in art for an extra... uhm four and a half hours... was quite good. Thorburn even bought us two pizzas and Coke!

Good lord

2008-04-21T12:38:00.000-07:00

"On Tuesday 4th March S5 Life skills pupils took part in a 'Masterchef' invention test. Each pupil was given an identical tray of ingredients plus access to the store cupboards. underway.

At the end, Mr Cunningham arrived to be chief judge and after much deliberation Derek Welsh was announced as winner and John Lyon as runner-up.

John's hot potato salad and chunky banana muesli."

I retched too; just those words of "John's hot potato salad" - and the thought of such a person procuring it - is absolutely revolting. Come on, LOOK at it! (I actually mean L@.@K.) Looks like a lump of white shite. Maybe that was a bit harsh... Looks like a lump of chalk.

There was an Anthony Hopkins film on last night, which was okay, but it was a bit crap.

Yesterday was 4/20, and Neil Burns et al was a day too late! After school, I do not want to be wafted in the face with a giant puff of GANJA smoke. Officious bastard.

On another note, I've noticed this:

Although inspired in part by true characters and people, the above picture is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event.

I don't believe it

2008-04-20T03:05:00.001-07:00

I do actually: Not ten minutes ago I was awoken by my arse-y neighbours for playing Whitney Houston, Huey Lewis & The News and Genesis. If only they'd do this at 7.40 then I'd never be late for school.

Objective: To buy jacket today.

Thought Pool

2008-04-12T09:38:00.001-07:00

I am extremely, extremely dissapointed that, despite the recent trend in Little Miss/Mr Men and retro cartoon t-shirts, that there is no Wacky Races t-shirts! (I have found some, but none are mainstream.) Bloody outrageous.

Anyway I have an entire backlog of school stuff to do AND I need to buy another pomegranate. It'll be the third one I'll kill. This week has had nothing interesting, need to complete silly portfolio, ie endless watercolouring.

I had to phone the police last night as the branchy neighbours were starting their shenanigans again. She started moaning about how she's had a broken nose, he just keeps shouting and swearing at her. (They were playing Will Young earlier on and the Wilkinson Sword/Shocking Blue "Venus" (both sang/shouted in staccato and seperate lines).) It really was quite laughable.

I've bought more Bret Easton Ellis novels; I have the entire collection now. >_> My thesis will probably be on them.

And I've just had a horrid flashback of a TV show some time about about unusual jobs, and it was in a farm and it subjected on a fat man with large sideburns directing sexual gratification. It was quite grotesquely funny.

I need a new jacket, computer and I still haven't read 1984.

Frumpy!

2008-03-10T12:34:00.000-07:00

Ah, I miss it! The flight there was quite good, but I found it bizarre saying "soda." Humph, but the flight attendants were very funny in a frumpy American way: She said "Well I don't know!" and started waving her arms around, and the other said "back off" to this old woman.

I spent, at whole, four days shopping and eating. Maybe I should have been born an American. In these five days I accumulated:

Two bags of Hershey's Kisses and one bag of Jolly Ranchers, Miniture Mixtures and Jelly Belly; Italian waistcoat; Levi's; boots; shirt; t-shirt; underwear; more food; a complimentary Hilton umbrella (fuck yes! And it was one of the posh ones with the push-button) and.. hmm, there should be more.

What's your poison?

Buhy Buhy

2008-03-05T11:34:00.000-08:00

Shall be back soon!

À bientôt!

Stupid arse

2008-02-21T12:18:00.000-08:00

If I hear that stupid Asian Radio advert I will scream. I am sick to death with the stupid faux-panoramic slides of shitty people going "do do." Not only is it probably racist against caucasian people but it would not be that if people started creating a radio for non-Asian people. Arseholes.

Sacré bleu

2008-02-16T04:22:00.000-08:00

Well, English was hopefully alright, doing essays on The Horses and 1984 but the latter of the two was probably not done too well. Maths wasn't as bad. Non-calculator was diabolical.

But in other news, I found this poor tirade:

True story: late January, I put a phone call in to a friend I haven't seen in just shy of a year. I find out he's working as a bouncer now, so instead of rolling out on a Friday or Saturday when he's throwing Northampton's undesirables down the staircase at Revolution, we agree to hook up on Sunday and spend the last vestiges of our pay checks on as much Navy rum as we can afford. (It's the only alcoholic substance that mixes better with Pepsi than it does with Coke. Fact.)

Anyway, eight hours into the session, we land at this run-down but functional faux-Irish bar just out of town centre, around a quarter full with its usual clientele: people who just don't have the time or inclination to become alcoholics and lower-tier office workers.

So we roll in. The boy hits the bar to order drinks, and I head straight to that integral part of any down-market pub—the video jukebox. God bless these things: for two pound you can chose seven of an increasingly depressingly poor selection of music videos to aurally and viscerally entertain you. But there's some pearls on there, so I make the usual selections: “This Charming Man,” “Ignition (Remix),” “Together in Electric Dreams”... over my shoulder I hear a voice.

“Oooh, put The Cure on.”

I turn around. Behind me, dishevelled on a bar stool, is a woman I'd have guessed at being in her early 30s, dressed far too well for a pub that has three fruit machines in it. In her hand, teetering in slapstick-drunk fashion, is a glass of what looks like total bitch-piss white wine. I shoot her a “Buh?” look.

“I'm sorry, what did you say?”

“Put The Cure on! “Fridays I'm In Love” is an amazing song, it's one of my favourites.”

“Ummm, no.”

I put “Typical Me” on instead, and she pulls one of those over-exaggerated sulk faces where you push your bottom lip forward and look like, to all intents and purposes, a smacked arse. It's at this point I realise that I'm being flirted with by someone who looks like my old science teacher. OK, steel myself through all of this, it's just some drunk slapper who's played the same cards with 17 other guys this evening.

Oh, fuck, she's joining me at my table.

I can finally see her face now. She was obviously quite something ten years back, but now she just has a washed-up sexuality, smoker's skin—the eyes of someone who cries a lot. And I get her life story. I don't want it, I don't need it. You don't either. Potted highlights include her claim that Jonny Greenwood was her boyfriend when she was a student at Oxford Brookes, and then... yep, here comes the husband problems. Her man is ten years older than her, married to his job, he doesn't give her the affection she needs (by this point she's tracing circles on my hand, and has somehow already entangled our legs together without really moving that much)... it's kind of pathetic, really, to see someone who had a youth with such vigour and promise reduced to flirting with a fat guy in a blazer-and-scarf combo in an Irish theme bar.

She leant over to kiss me. It was like snogging Mick the Miller. Wet, graceless. By this time I'm alternately feeling really sympathetic towards her, and worrying that she's spiked my drink, so desperate is she for some physical contact.

“You know, my husband's away in Chester for a few days and we could go back to mine and....”

At the very moment she was about to offer drunken depressed sex, God and that bottle of wine she'd necked intervened. She vomits all over the table. She literally paints it with spew, before lolling her head around in the manner of a comical zombie. I made my excuses and left.

JENINE

2008-02-12T17:13:00.001-08:00

Bloody Fauve

2008-01-29T12:34:00.000-08:00

There has been an absence of postings. At least almost a month. This calls for a decent post. Let's put this into perspective in the oh-so-CV-style of recent to latest.

There's been no big issues related to my education. Too many essays for art; not enough in English. Oh and prelims. UGH. I kinda know most things except for English. I should really finish that past paper and write an essay. And I want to go on and do history of art. Stupid Glasgow Uni website is rubbish -- doesn't tell you anything.

Kaa! Ba boop ba dada!

I'll be visiting the States again in March. This means nice food for me, ie. stuff I can't afford from Dean & DeLuca and Cucina & Co. But, meh, I'll be on in holiday. I will buy the pocket watch (hopefully -- I might just keep it for myself, Amy >.>) and Lucky Charms (yes, you'll get them). And generally more buying of stuff. Oh yes, and DS games for half the price they are here. 8o|:S

(I turn over and look at the TV and find that there's an Indian man putting a giant pole through his cheek.)

I've gotten into The Kills. New album I must buy on 10 March, I believe; I'll trust HMV. OH, and the bitches The Daily Mail reported they were touring! Why wasn't I informed?! I'll be seeing Panic at the Disco in March too. (They've removed the exclamation mark; March is a rapt month.)

(On the TV: Cleft lip and palate.)

I've applied for Barista at Starbucks. Aim high, people.

Distraction

2007-12-30T09:04:00.000-08:00

I was supposted to be revising, but was distracted by a freakishly over-sized squid.

La De Da

2007-12-30T08:33:00.000-08:00

I don't think I've ever been this bored in a long time. And I'm waiting for Sammie to get back on MSN so I can meet her for Tesco! It's 5pm and already dark. Hopefully I'll feel a little bit better for tomorrow. Eeks.

Joyeux Noël

2007-12-26T15:16:00.000-08:00

What a good time, I mainly got money. At least the tumble drier never went on fire, I never choked on the turkey and I never fell down the stairs. On Boxing Day I managed to purchase numerous paraphernalia. You will enjoy the below carol.

Que du bon temps, j'ai surtout eu l'argent. Au moins le sèche linge ne sont jamais allés sur le feu, je n'ai jamais étouffé sur la turquie et je n'ai jamais tombé en bas de l'escalier. Le lendemain de Noël, j'ai réussi à acheter de nombreux accessoires. Vous va voir ci-dessous le carol.
J'ai seulement ajouté dans ce afin de le rendre plus intéressant. Mais si vous avez lu cette j'ai ensuite assumer ce moyen c'est une phrase ne figurait pas dans l'original. Smarties seul avez la réponse.

On the first day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
A partridge in a pear tree.

On the second day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the third day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the ninth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the tenth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!

Oh, yeah.

Ah-hahahaha

2007-12-19T12:18:00.000-08:00

Lol at sweaty people at that dance.
People are unflattering, I do not see the point; making an utter idiot of oneself.
And those stupid arses better not start nagging at me for being late when other people stagger in half-cut at noon. And they're racist. I've seriously giving up caring now.

You do what you want applies here.*

* - Does not include illegal activities, any cause of endangerment, or gliding under the age of 16.

;]

2007-12-10T11:18:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday! :]

I'll have to steal that catchphrase for my birthday!

Crystal

2007-12-05T11:19:00.000-08:00

...

2007-12-01T09:44:00.000-08:00

I am officially living in fear, and I have a chemistry presentation to do on polyacetylene. Yas. Here, have a picture.

The jacket potatoes are ready!

Also, I've noticed that the Mars advent calendars are the exact same design as last year. >_>

Ooh maa good

2007-11-23T11:26:00.000-08:00

I had to apply for Urban Outfitters.

2007-11-18T13:38:00.000-08:00

I opened up the tub of butter I have and it was printed on the wrapper "It's better wobbly!"

Then I read the small print and it was referring to the curvature of bread.

Helium Whore

2007-11-17T12:51:00.001-08:00

Aaah! What a lovely day I've had to-day. >_> I'm starting to write like that. Anyway, I went into town with Samantha and Hayley. Firstly, we seen a man in a pretty floral shirt and skinny jeans, and seriously could not resist the temptation of stalking him. That lasted until Kelvingbridge underground to J. Sainsbury's' checkouts. We were distracted by Granny Knittings on Innocent smoothie bottles and Christmas cakes.

Afterwards, we went into Virgin (I refuse to call it by its current name, as such) and looked for a film and realised we were running a bit late for our rendez-vous with Hayley. Meeting in Borders, we were attracted to the magazine section, only to find subtle old-men-gay-porn and mens' fashion magazines. (Dirty faces are in.) We then spent about, perhaps, three hours in the humour section...

Onto Starbucks, in which Samantha got a steak panini and covered Nicole Kidman's face with steak, caramelised onions, and peppers (also covered in Monterey Jack cheese). We then got lost in the Childrens section briefling and I bought Orwell notes.

It was raining! So we ran up into the galleries and I forged a label in H&M for a fucking excellent winter hat. I love it. I think it made my day. Haaa, then we went into Birthday's and bought a helium balloon and inhaled it like junkie to herion. I make good Gryffy impersonation on helium, I may say.

Urban Outfitters are looking for Christmas staff @_@ I may apply. HA.

Wogan?

2007-11-16T10:55:00.000-08:00

Ugh, yes, it was Children In Need today. And I had to go as Caesar which wasn't that bad since everyone knew who I was. Yeah. But I arrived in with some skankho ned who bored holes in your eyes. State of her instead >_> So I just went down to my locker prematurely and hung about there until the bell had rang, pretending I was looking in my locker interminably. Then we got buckets, badges etc etc. Finally we left after Xiang took forever to get dressed in his ele-funk costume.

We just walked along and gloriously begged off people en route to Kelvinbridge Subway. We meet a cheeky bastard of a germ. In case he's forgetting, we're in his maths class... Then we met a little bit of a perversion of an obsessed Terry Wogan fan, selling an Elvis Presley autograph. I thought I'd never mention that name on my blog. T_T

In town was rather dreadful, just walking the freezing cold in three t-shirts, a toga and a purple overall. Oh, and a wreath. After all that shenanigans, we just arrived back in the west end a begged some more; only I was absolutely starving and I had to resort to a latté and a nice [turn out to be utterly vile as it was GLUTEN-FREE X_X] egg mayo sandwhich.

After all that, we returned and were transformed into Scrooges and counted all the coppers! We altogether raised £4620, if I remember correctly. I thought it would have been better if we counted each individual bucket...

I went home and retired to by bed, aaah.

Whooping Cough

2007-11-15T12:51:00.000-08:00

I feel quite warm and cozy inside. It can't be said for the outside. I probably have Whooping Cough, even though I haven't been sick in about four years. Getting sick is for pansies! Thank you, Monica. >_>

I can't remember that much of what happened today.

Waffles ho

2007-11-06T09:43:00.000-08:00

I gave Sammie her SHIT LIST in English today, along with the Hottie Horatio card that I'm certain she enjoyed. :] But she came down with Ebola (:P) halfway through so I was reading 1984 one my ownsome and sans the Two Hour Bitch. Art was très très très très boring, writing about Matisse - STILL. Ugh, crap.

Chemistry NAB! I thought it was difficult ;__; and I'm certain photosynthesis is biochemistry and I'll get the mark. Ha! And darn excess problems. I'm not interested in one gramme of magnesium reacting with a gazillion moles of oxygen.

Oh, and thank god those pomegranates in my locker aren't producing fungal spores.

Sigur Rós

2007-11-03T14:05:00.000-07:00

It was Birthday Seasons again and I purchased what I needed to get. I'm sure it's an excellent present, and will produce hilarious effects. Of course, our attempts beforehand to track down Fat "The Scream" Amanda Stalker (FTSAS). Yes, I did just make that up but it is true.

Ah well, I did nothing particularly interesting today. English was fine, Xiang has moved to our table whilst is alright, I suppose. Hilarity will ensue; "Tittyfucks" et al.

Art was fine, I finally got my sketchbook back but I really cannot be bothered drawing anything more. I need some inspiriation. Not Fauve, thank you kindly. But it's always really funny in art because of Eeeeeeeve and her make-up. And there's always subliminal humour because of the gossip at "BOHO". Her hands were laughable today. ;_;

DOUBLE MATHS! Rien intéressante. Angus était abscent, merci dieu. Donc je n'ai pas bloquer son visage. Ha. Xiang et Aidan a été rejetés, qui était hilarants. Excuser l'impair français ;_; Je manquer français un petit.

I will leave you with this pleasant song. ^_^

Brosandi
Hendumst í hringi
Höldumst í hendur
Allur heimurinn óskýr
nema þú stendur

Rennblautur
Allur rennvotur
Engin gúmmístígvél
Hlaupandi í okkur ?
Vill springa út úr skel

Vindur í
og útilykt ? af hárinu þínu
Ég lamdi eins fast og ég get
með nefinu mínu
Hoppa í poll
Í engum stígvélum
Allur rennvotur (rennblautur)
Í engum stígvélum

Og ég fæ blóðnasir
En ég stend alltaf upp

Og ég fæ blóðnasir
En ég stend alltaf upp

Image, Image

2007-10-30T12:52:00.000-07:00

Thanks Blogger, you're a real fucking help. I'll piss in your coffee.

I can seriously not be fucking assed re-typing the entire post I wrote that you fucking never saved. Yes, YOU.

So, instead of that, I'm going to listen to this:

Combi

2007-10-24T08:59:00.000-07:00

Doctor Turner keeps referencing documentaries and Sammie and I cannot help ourselves but laugh. Saying that, neither can Holly next to use who giggles when the word "sex" is mentioned. Oh, and shame on us: We've scarred Paula with our talkings of people. We're doing 1984, which isn't as bad as I had first suspected.

Our artwork is being assessed sometime this week, and I've practically done everything. Still need an object for my still life, which isn't the most exciting of tasks. I thought a mask, but my mum's are all freaky. There is a nice one, but I don't want to take it anyway. So I just end up spending time browsing flickr and Veer for an idea.
Okay, pomegranates, passion fruit and wine it is. :]

These are really the only two interesting subjects I have, tbh. That's why they get the most reports.

"Photographing a cake can be art" —Irving Penn

Yas!

2007-10-20T09:33:00.000-07:00

NameThatDrug.com - Test your drug knowledge

Someone's Not Being Who They Usually Are

2007-10-15T18:59:00.000-07:00

And that's pretty annoying.

The other one should perish.

Thinkings

2007-10-09T13:12:00.000-07:00

"I wonder what she's thinking."

On my travel across the city, I couldn't help but stare out and think philosophically. Yeah. Anyway, the south cide of the city is really rather derelict. I'm sure I seen some prostitutes, which reminded me of the hitch hiker on FOB.

*Laughs at taps*

Dyssomnia

2007-10-08T14:07:00.000-07:00

"Attempting to force oneself through 9–5 life with DSPS has been compared to constantly living with 6 hours of jet lag." There's not melatonin in my system.

The school obviously fails to notice that I keep falling asleep in class and that I am ocassionaly late. They probably think I'm being lazy, the bastards. It's that arse in the office.

Nothing interesting has happened lately, doing poetry in English which is far better than The Crucible. Art: I've moved onto pastel which I utterly utterly detest. Biology: Moved onto respiration and the Kreb Cycle, finally! No more enzymes >_> Even though I liked that because it was easy.

No one seems to notice that the formula for energy content is the exact same formula for enthalpy. Which, technically, it is, but everyone is oblivious to it. And they [probably] say I am sleepy/lazy/unaware.

Next People:
• November 6th
• December 19th
• January 16th

Costumes!

2007-10-05T12:56:00.000-07:00

I'm already worrying about this Children In Need, 2007 (which is Friday, 16th November, by the way, foo') thing, and have been researching costumes. So I shall just go as a Roman, and I wish they'd announce when we need to have our costumes in/or if we're even doing it this year; since I am ordering mine from the US. ¬_¬

He looks like Tony from Skins.

Crack

2007-10-03T09:29:00.001-07:00

I will kill that ugly junkie.

The Monologues

2007-10-01T10:32:00.000-07:00

Chiefly, I was late to arrive in school and was worried that Gryffy would give me into a row (how archaic) for being late as he has already sent a letter home to me the previous year. (My mother calls him Mr. Gryffindor, and we frequently laugh about him.) But we're learning about patterns in the period table which is a bit boring, even coming from someone who enjoys and can tolerate chemistry. He did say "Buckyball" in his accent though.

Art was rather boring also, as I've been told to continually texturize my painting, but I can't keep doing that when I'm not even finished! Painting is annoying. But I like my painting because I love the blend of cold colours it has. It reminds me of Mint Skittles.

Biology, just sitting doing questions for 50 minutes. For the remainder, Miss Fyfe asked us to come up with an idea on how to revise for biology. I suggested we make a Trivial Pursuit (this was only in my head). We've also to bring in minor Halloween costumes for the 1st November!

English has gotten much better. I love poetry. Especially olden-days type. I shall certainly not be doing The Crucible in the final exam; it's boring and de-rails a lot. Me and Sammie have discovered that we're really boring and watch lots of documentaries about Wolf Boys and Hairy People.

In maths, the most oddest thing I heard Mr. Barr say was "Yes, her top's a beautiful colour, but it seems to be homosexuals who like those colours". Yeah. I was rather schocked actually; just seems odd/twisted for a man of Barr's age or persona to utter the word "homosexual".

On my arrival home, I was devistated to realise Steve has left Placebo.

C18H21NO3

2007-09-28T14:45:00.000-07:00

I feel rather awful. I have a migraine which I normally get at least once a year, and my eyes are all puffy. I can't even look at lights. Utter malaise. The codeine is working though, which I felt slightly refreshed. Oh well. ;_;

Doo-Hickeys

2007-09-27T15:58:00.000-07:00

"He stores his testicles in his medical cabinet."
"It's a Frankenpussy!"
"Wash it, then put it back in your little doo-hickey."

Taps!

2007-09-26T10:47:00.000-07:00

The toilet is working again! I have flush capacities in the cistern. I've had to use a large red bucket to flush away waste, feeling like a Victorian Pleb (yes, it's geographically impossible).

I've found this.

The Shit List

2007-09-22T14:18:00.000-07:00

Today―and yesterday―it was revealed that I am a part time alcoholic, who is best at hosting parties, whose chef alter-ego is Gary Rhodes and knows lots of Placebo lyrics. Tickle, bless thee.

Autumn break shenanigans: Nothing much has happened, to be honest. I went into town on two seperate occasions and purchased past papers on les maths et le chimie (pas sur le Français, peux j'ajouter!). Oh! And on the More4 adverts, there is Robbie Coltrane in drag wearing lipstick.

In other gatherings, there have been copious visits form the Policía to my neighbours house. On one ocassion tonight, the [M] stated that he couldn't answer the door because "he wasn't allowed to get off the bed".

I've decided that I shall make a "Shit List" on the people I have to take revenge on, inspiried by the idea from Urban Outfitters. Currently, there's two things on it.

I'll go back to watching "The Best of Triggy Happy TV" now.

Gàidhlig Beag air Bheag

2007-09-19T14:14:00.000-07:00

Halò. Ciamar a tha sibh fhein, bloghlig? An diugh: Sgìre-sgoile cunntais, comhairle e Cézanne. Leig dhiot! ;_;

Baile mhòir e nachadh chlàraidh.

'S e oileanach a th' annam. An e draibhear-laraidh a th' annad?

Math with a Smile

2007-09-17T15:45:00.000-07:00

Well, the Slut Hut was [temporarily; Wednesday afternoons, supported study] disbanded today, as certain people were being noisy. And his annoyance at our homework results. Because of all this, the entire class needs to sit where they say last year. Unfortunately for me, someone else is sitting on my seat and I need to sit next to the like of Juliette x_x. This is worse than being on the Jeremy Kyle show.

I cannot be assed with "physical education" tomorrow.

Ooft! Must dash, CSI's on! Shame on you if you don't know who the above is.

It's That Time of The Year Again

2007-09-16T11:00:00.000-07:00

Yes, that does mean it's Christmas shopping. Don't blame me, blame M&S. It was them that already have their Haloween stuff out! >.> Anyway, I got Amy's which she better enjoy, but I think she shall. It is very good.

You must tell me what you want.

I want the Penis Pokey book...

New Yorken

2007-09-14T11:22:00.000-07:00

I miss 42nd Street. ;_;
I miss the lady who helped me find John's Pizzeria on Bleeker Street. ;_;
I miss Hershey Lady. ;_;

I'm just going to keep making the microwave bing by bringing the dial back and fro again.

My VERY ANGRY AURA is going to make me impolde. Oh my gash. ARGH!

Prolapse

2007-09-08T18:09:00.000-07:00

My neighbour [F] just said "Shite, shite, shite!" then the other [M] vomited. I heard him valvular regurgitating.

UNEEDMEMORETHANINEEDU at 2.14am is the way to live.

Brewing Up A Summer Of Music

2007-08-26T10:19:00.001-07:00

Heather, Amy and I were to attend Fall Out Boy's concert in Edinburgh, on the 25th. Departing, and arriving late (ho!), only to find they were stuck in Starbucks. Eeek. Nonetheless, we went on the subway and arrived at Queen Street Station. We did compensate on travelling first class, but the ticket both woman said it had been discontinued. Darn it, we're high class!

Embarking to Edinburgh, we had les Pringles and a magazine to keep us occupied. I had a soda water and a pack of Rolos <3 Arriving in Edinburgh, our first stop was Jenners. The toilets were smelling. Followed by Harvey Nichols. Classiest elevator ever!

Now our three mile trek, followed closely by some emos. They lost us, or should I say we lost them, since we were the ones that turned the wrong direction onto Morrison St. >_<

Still, arrived at the Corn Exchange and had to wait for almost two hours, if I recall correctly. Once we finally got the entrace, there were a few security checks, and I was worried that they'd take my camera off of me since there were numerous posters around saying they would. But I was glad they did not, even though absolutely everyone had a camera/mobile camera with them, taking pictures.

Afer the fantabulous concert, even though Heather was slightly ill and my feet were practically glued to the floor thanks to the alcohol/sweat (x_x), we departed home via the motorway. I am almost certain that I seen a hitchiker at a signpost, but never mentioned it to the other two. v_v

Below are some pics though :D

Swabbings

2007-08-23T10:38:00.000-07:00

I swabbed a light switch today. Mmm, but I could've electrocouted myself since the swab was wet. Agar tastes... unusual.

Anyway, I was made prefect today.

Thoughts and repulsions

2007-08-20T10:33:00.000-07:00

Oooookay, all I've done for the past four days is listen to Placebo constantly. Well, not whilst I'm cooking/sleeping/bathing though. I could try whilst bathing. Anyway, I think I could be going into a deeper health freak mode. I've already hid rock that I was given since I read it consisted of pure sugar and modified starch, and also seven E numbers. I've also refused to eat meringues since they're just pure sugar. Eek!

Anyway, I have been eating Loyd Grossman biscuits, which seem to contain almonds this time. So, due to pure laziness, I've been spitting out the almonds across the floor instead of putting them in the bin. ;_;

Anywho, don't you just hate it when the biscuit granules you dunk into your coffee sink to the bottom?

Back to School II

2007-08-17T09:23:00.000-07:00

Besides my other subjects, I got Maths today, having to go to the hall and big announcements about who, what, where, when, why and how? I turned up in Barr Tycoon's class, as predicted. He handed out folders and blad-eh-blah. I never got to use my purchased Paperchase notebook. ;_; Shall do on Monday. The xxx is within a 35 feet radius of me.

Next was Art in which I designed my front cover, as I have done these previous umpteen years. I tried to turn it into cubism (I always remember Harkins saying to remember that word, and I have >_>), but I couldn't remember how to do it, and I think the lettering needs to be in the third-dimension anyway.

MTA was rubbish, we had to go into the hall yet again to be sorted. My school reminds me of a concentration camp. I managed to get into Higher English. Eek! The fire alarm went off, and me and Sammie managed to get a few views of Beau. Oh ya!

Laters, me, myself, Hayley, Amy, Sammie and I went into the bibliotheque and sat reading copius amounts of trashy romance novels. How I loathe thee!

Back to School I

2007-08-16T12:33:00.000-07:00

My return to school: I walked down the three minature steps to the foyer, only to be confronted by the one and only Beau. I almost brushed up against her, but, nonetheless, she did her fantastic violet head shake anyway. Poor woman. Anyway, I spent the first twenty minutes walking around the biology department trying to look for bleeming T13, only to find that it was Miss Gilholm's. But that wasn't correct either, since the rest of the class were up in history. Walking up the back stairs to look into the [late] classroom of Mr. Campbell to see Milné peering over the monitor of his computer like a pervert. Pervert.

First period was art, which was a bit confusing, and I just sat there. Then Mr. Pedo came in a starting blabbing to What's-Her-Face (I shouldn't say that, she seems nice, but I only know her visage), talking about how this should actually be an Intermediate 2 class. Let it be so!

Next was chemistry, and I met Beau again in the corridor giving directions to a pupil to the library. After seeing her full face, I slightly giggled, which turned into a quiet laughter. Thankfully, noone stared. ANywho, to my delight, I received Gryffy/Griffin/Gryffindor as a teacher. Dishing out copious amounts of textbooks, books, jotters, data booklets (wanting to know the measurement of the radii of a something?) and, finally, homework! Goodness, Gryffy, I expected less!

*

Finally, biology. ^_^ I really like Miss Fyfe. She has similar glasses to me. Anyway, that's beside the point. Aussi, she has stated that she will bring in a cake almost always every (oxymoron?) Thursday. Hurray! But, never mind that, biology does seem boring. >_> All that cell nonsense. However, tomorrow I be swabbing my cheek and examining my own epithelial tissue. YUM. Later on in the course, we plan to do a dissection.

Dog Quiz v_v

2007-07-16T14:44:00.000-07:00

Do you know your dog breeds?

You scored 10 out of a possible 10.
Congratulations! Your cupboards are undoubtedly filled with Pedigree Chum and dog hair covers your furniture. Barbara Woodhouse would be proud.

Rank: Crufts' Winner.

Harry Potter

2007-07-15T13:46:00.000-07:00

Le cinéma. Harry Potter and the Order of The Phoenix. (I may start posting in French from now on. You have been warned). Overall, it was a very good. Particuarly Snape: "I'm going to penetrate your mind".

And the below, if you are interested:

Free-Wheeling Visionary

IKEA! J'adore

2007-07-10T14:29:00.000-07:00

IKEA. [aɪˈkiːə]: Eye-key-aah. (Not [iˈki.a]: icky-uh, may I add. Anyone who says that should be shot.) Anyway, it was nice. I found some slippers, bathrobes and umbrellas (not just furniture, you see). I took a few photos, couldn't resist. I shall just post them below instead of MySpace, unfortunately. (Reasons being that Tom has decided to remove all the servers, and limit himself to 250 comments a day. No need to brag, Tom).

Get your HE lessons at IKEA. Today!

This one's for Naughty Baker: Audrey Hepburn on canvas, 90×90

This is how they test chairs. They have robots.

Trip to the centre-ville

2007-07-09T13:54:00.000-07:00

Waking up with an odd dream (Miss Cleo answering my 999 call with "CALLER?"), I arrived in town with Amy and Heather. Our first stop was Topman, which is really the true colors of Fannyface and his fashion sense. (Soon to-be model, may I add.) (Too bad Ms. Moss.) There's nothing really interesting there, except the "pure heavy mongolised" elevator, which does have a buttom "M" for mongolised.

TK Maxx: Trying to get Vans for £2 (I had to put it to £7 this turn) turns out to be a miserable failure.
"The tag's on the wrong side of the show. Hold on." / "Adam, customer assistance." / "No, they're £14." / "I'll leave them then."
We did manage to locate some sexy―and clunky―clogs.

Numerous walkings around town, locating emos (perhaps slightly hypocritical >>), but they are wonderful. Ignore the girl on the right.

We spotted the above in the Galleries, outside Borders, and outside H&M.
(Where I bought a hoodie because I was cold.)

Dental caries warning

2007-05-30T05:53:00.000-07:00

If you eat candy you should brush your teeth. You should probably brush your teeth if you eat anything. Better yet, you should brush your teeth while you eat, eliminating any chance of a cavity/dental caries. Oh, and you should drink mouthwash with your meal. While you're in the shower.

Eek!

2007-05-24T04:44:00.000-07:00

I woke up and found out that noone else is on MSN, so I just mess about on MySpace, but there's nothing to do on that either, except find out about what your best friends likes; something you probably already know.

The last few days have been boring really. I am utterly dreading the RE exam as I don't know anything, and I'd rather not learn in great depth the views of Buddhists in less than 24 hours. But I should have a positive attitude, but... Meh.

Quiz

• Would life be better or easier if we were all emotionless? Hell, no.
• Is black the never ending color of hate? No, it's beautiful.
• A law you hate? I respect the law >.>
• Someone that makes you sick? So many people. Jackie's nice though.
• A food you hate? I don't hate any food, except from Ma'am Horses Concoctions.
• Do you sometimes hate the ones you love the most? No, that doesn't make any sense lol
• The argument you hated having the most? I love arguing. But the awkward silence after it is annoying.
• Something about life that you hate? Hmm, if I removed anything, it wouldn't be life. I like griping.
• A movie you hate? Hmm, I don't hate a lot of movies.
• A band you wish would just SHUT UP? As above >>
• A vegetable you hate? Cabbage! D:
• Something a family member gives you on the holidays that you hate? I don't get anything on the holidays o.o
• A word you despise? Shag. It's horrible. It can only be used to describe a type of tobacco. >>
• Something a family member does, that drives you crazy?

• The happiest moment of your life? Nothing that exciting or happy has happened you. Probably going to NY.
• The funniest thing that happened to you with your friends? A man walked past me and Sammie and went "Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" and it was really high-pitched and I was just howling with laughter.
• The nicest thing someone has ever said to you? Aww, I don't know. ):
• A school day that actually went well, and what happened? School was closed.
• Your best/funnest birthday? What happened? God, I don't know. Ma'am Horse was there on my 15th. XD And Elanore shouted "It's not a birthday cake without a Birthday sticker!"
• The best gift someone has ever given you? Plane ticket to NY *sigh*
• A time you laughed so hard you peed your pants? what happened? God, years ago. o.o I'm stunned I'm admitting this.
• One of the best memories you have of a loved one? What the hæll?
• Best vacation with family? New York. 3500 miles away! I think, that's how many Frequent Flyer Miles I got >.> I get free trips around the world.

• Do you get migranes? Yes, I have drugs for them, and I go really quiet and don't speak for hours.
• Ever been pregnant when you didnt want to be? Yes, drat >.>
• Have you ever been trapped in an elevator? No, but I wish I did. It'd be great.
• Ever accidently caught something on fire in your home? Yes, Scarbble tiles, and I just stared at them.
• Has a pet ever ran away? did you find them? No
• Ever had a parent walk in on you and your someone doing something naughty? No lol o.o
• Your most embarassing moment? When I tripped in school on gravelled stones.
• Have you ever fell down the stairs? No, I fall going up the stairs.
• Ran into a see through door? lol, no
• Slipped on wet floor? XD Yes, it's dangerous.
• Ever found soemthing disgusting in your fast food? I don't eat fast food >.>
• Have you ever been diagnosed with something horrible? Nope ^.^

The Rules of Attraction

2007-05-21T12:04:00.000-07:00

Today, I bought underwear >.> That's all. On the other hand, I found some text in The Rules of Attraction (God, I'm obsessed, but it's so good <.<) written in French. So I decided to type it all out (that took ages; tabbing back and fro between World Lingo do get the correct marks) and translate. The result was quite humorous:

I could not prevent me from approaching me you with evening. I drank too much tequila and I perhaps smoked too much of pot but that does not want to say that I do not love you. However after it sayhaving said you, I walked until the end of the world and I have vomit. Yesterday we separated with beba, my girl friend. You, you were one of the reasons for that (then Beba does not know that I wish you) but not only. It is that for a long time that I feel allured by you. I am not insane, but you interests me and I took some photographs of you whom I made when you did not look at. I cannot believe that you did not notice me. If you had come with me yesterday evening, I would have returned to you happy. I could have returned to you happier than this type with which you left yesterday evening. By putting the things at worse I could always go back to Paris and live with my father. In any event, America is shitting. And me making you love in the town of my father Cannes has. And to leave my job of writer has Camden Courier. perhaps did you see my articles? How to prevent the positive Herpes and effects of the extase. You does not obsess me. I could have any girl whom I want here (and I passed there near), but your legs are perfect, better than all those of the others dilles and your hair is so fair and soft, better still of all and your figure is perfect it-also. I not if you had an operation of nose but your nose is perfect. Your features are really perfect. I perhaps will test still * once. But do not leave next the fois*. remember that I could return heuruse very to you. I can kiss well and I have the American Express Chart of platinum. I suppose that you have it too. your legs are splendid, and better than those of any other girl. Of which color are your eyes? the photographs which I took are all in black and white. I would like to follow the same courses that you, but He do photograph and you… what? Beautiful-art? You are sexy. If I knew that somebody got excited of you like me, and you, you tested the same feeling towards him, I would leave. I would return at home. No doubt.

Oh my

2007-05-20T10:22:00.000-07:00

They're called fun-size for a reason.

Today my mum made me drive her to drop of cookies for my brother's bake sale to pay for a camping trip, or whatever. And right there, across the street, was this homeless man. And I'm thinking, why aren't we baking cookies to raise money to buy this guy a home instead of some stupid camping trip, which will just be sad anyway.

I mean, I never go on trips and I don't even want to, but, like, I know you're going to say that the seventh grade science camp was a camp but it wasn't outdoors, so it doesn't even count.

When I got home, I burned the word "camping" in Scrabble tiles and then I wrote a poem entitled "23 Points of Sorrow", and then I burned that, too. And then the smoke alarm went off; I am the smoke alarm: People walk by me and never check my batteries, and when I scream everyone just runs away.

Ernie D:

2007-05-18T07:49:00.000-07:00

Out of extreme boredome today, I find myself taking photographs of my neighbour washing the car. I personally find this a momentum of stalking.
I did manage to do some RMPS revision, but out of more boredom and lack of knowledge on the subject, I cannot continue further. I honestly cannot be bothered learning about annacha or nirvana, whatever those mean. I think I'll just go eat more cereal.

WMP Quiz

2007-05-08T10:52:00.000-07:00

Step 1: Put your iTunes or MP3 player on shuffle/random.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 30 songs that play.
Step 3: Strike out the songs when someone guesses correctly

1. They told him don't you ever come around here
2. Thank you for coming home, I'm sorry that the chairs are all worn
3. I would never bother you, I will never promise to
4. If you see a faded sign at the side of the road
5. _____ so why should it be
6. You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar, When I met you
7. Here I come and we wan' go home
8. Hot town, ______, Back of my neck getting dirty and gritty
9. I'm bringing ______, Them other boys don't know how to act (I really don't have this but it is devoted to someone XD)
10. A friend in need, is a friend indeed
11. Shake, shake, shake, Senora, shake your body line
12. Once I had a love and it was a gas
13. _____ Freezing cold and empty
14. I woke up in a Soho doorway, A policeman knew my name
15. All I want is a room with a view
16. If it seems a litte time is needed, decisions to be made
17. Here in my car
18. Do do do do, do do do do (hummed, no lyrics lol)
19. If I were to say to you, "Can you keep a secret?"
20. Fire in the disco
21. Out here in the fields, I fought for my meals
22. Move yourself, You always live your life
23. We'll be fighting in the streets, With our children at our feet
24. Sun is shinin' in the sky, There ain't a cloud in sight
25. I'm in the phone booth it's the one across the hall
26. I walk along the avenue, I never thought I'd meet a girl like you
27. Turn it down you say, Well all I got to say to you is time again I say, "No!"
28. Since were feeling so anesthetised, In our comfort zone
29. I used to think she was the greatest thing, I really cared, gave her a diamond ring
30. How can I be sure? When your intrusion is my illusion

Winner could get that all-great yacht, or a Lindt bunny. Or perhaps a convertible. It could be you.

Key:
• Heather's answers
• Amy's answers

Me and OCD

2007-04-24T10:00:00.000-07:00

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	Low
Antisocial Disorder:	High
Borderline Disorder:	Low
Histrionic Disorder:	Low
Narcissistic Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Disorder:	Low
Dependent Disorder:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

I certainly expected the OCD since I have a tendancy to over-do and make sure everything is done in the correct way.
(I did stop away from cleaning the dishes because she was doing it wrong.)
But I did not expect anti-social disorder. *sigh* Maybe it is true, me and TK Maxx.

Them

2007-04-19T10:23:00.000-07:00

Well, today has been very eventful! I SEEN CAFFERTY in Tesco, so I had to hide in the clothes department. I really should have tried on sunglasses as a disguise. After, I seen this woman there who asked her boyfriend "Do you want some potato scones, Dave?" in an AUSTRALIAN accent. Bloody wonderful. Whilst she said that, Dave was sniffing a mango.
I should've stalked both Cafferty and Dave and Aussie-woman, but I was in a very important transaction with a bunch of red, green and yellow peppers!

Opticians

2007-04-06T10:18:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, I went to the opticians and was put through vigorous optic tests. I had to look into this box and count how many red circles there were, but I couldn't see any! And then he kept going "Hmmm" and looked like David Tennant. Then I had my retina photographed, which was penetratingly blinding light being shined into my eyeball! Finally, he had a microsocopid light and stared into my eye for about five minutes and I couldn't stop laughing because it was tickly...

Anyway, today I met up with the clan and went and played Frustration.
I only came third ;_; But it is only a piece of plastic >_> Then we done a one mile treck into the centre of town to look at French people speaking their mother tounge. I did try to buy something so I could bellow "Bonjour!" at one of them, but nothing looked tasty. I returned to my humble abode and I am not eating Garibaldi biscuits.

Chunk

2007-03-10T05:55:00.001-08:00

Chunk II

2007-01-20T11:02:00.000-08:00

PENANCE:

Everything. OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.

French & Saunders

2007-01-04T07:58:00.000-08:00

well, i downloaded the french and saunders sketch of Misery, very funny. but, i shall write about my "tremendously exciting" holidays. i had christmas, which had to be the worst ever cause (a) the washing machine broke, (b) the tumble drier went on fire, and (c) i choked at the dinner table and nobody helped me. what a christmas. I could've been killed!

went into the boxing day sales, and never really saw anything, though i did buy a fondue set for my social gathering in the near future. to complete it i just need some Haagen-Dazs, Veggie-jelly, Shloer, Canada Dry and the tower of Ferrero Rocher. boy, this is classy ;-)

currently, i am very tired at typing this and saw a hottie out on the street. that made my day, unless something else can beat a hottie. to the cinéma tomorrow, with friends. that's all ATM

Lack thereof

2006-11-26T12:21:00.001-08:00

I posted this, and now't not showing.

Salle de cinéma

2006-11-26T11:45:00.000-08:00

Went into town, with Amy and Heather. Tried to go and see Tenacious D, but "we never looked old enough", so we went to see The Prestidge starring Christian Bale (who I never knew at the time) and that other guy. Looked boring, but actually turned out to be OK. It guessed starred David Bowie. Before this, I bought a soy cappuccino from Starbucks, and flashed my card at them, then got to swipe it -- but then my hand always goes shaky when I try to swipe it which is real embarrasing.
Then after the movie, we all went to Primark to look for shirts. There were some real oddball people in the store, and then I whipped out this crazy outfit whilst going down the esculator.
Then we both planned to go Christmas shopping next week (which I have practally already begun). So, this is really no problem.
Then we went home, and then I got some Hershey's, then I met Amy's dad. I then went home, some fat bastard of a ned with a big head started staring at me. I blatantly ignored him. I went home, had some chips, and then I am writing this.

Pumpkin

2006-11-20T16:02:00.000-08:00

School.
had fun.
Wore new jacket; pumpkin colour in colour.
Went to supported study.
Mr. Barr cautioned us not to go into the park. :U
Went home.
Ate.
Computer.
Sim City.
Movie: Imaginary Heroes.
Bed.

Firstly

2006-09-12T11:55:00.000-07:00

You major asshole! Didn't you see that manhole?