I put them in this frisbee, then I throw them at the little children!

Goodness gracious! I just returned from my daily swim on my beautiful Fijian beach and realised I have not updated this since petrol was cheaper than a bottle of Grange... You would not believe the amount of people that are totally stalking me. Unbelievable.

I am distracted with my obsession of saving money, choosing my retirement village, just generally being a great friend to my friends (they love it!). My day sprawls from the moment my children manage to unlock my bedroom door and use me as a jumping castle to well after sun-down. I am so tired of my kids wanting me to give them attention and stuff. Can't they see I am blogging?

I absolutely, positively promise if one more person emails me to ask why I haven't posted today I will start posting pictures of toe fungus, or fecal murals. Well, I'll try. Don't hold your breath though, you're likely to turn blue...

Also this

Xiang says (01:08):
can I see your blog?
Excellent wretch! says (01:10):
you'll have to find it >.>
you've seen it before... i remember
Xiang says (01:10):
I lost the link ;_;
Excellent wretch! says (01:11):
you'll have to find it!
it's the amelia earhard of the blog world

Posh Hot Schnappsolate

I just finished drinking a hot chocolate and eating a croissant (I'm not French, honest) and watching The Reader. My mum already finished reading the book and I haven't started (still reading the other Kate Winslet book Little Children), but I think it'll be next on the reading list. I –still– have books from 2007 that I haven't read. I just read slowly!

Yesterday was the maths exam which, I am pleased to say, (I think) went rather well. [Salvador] Sally [Struthers] says Zai-Betch says he got 100%. Ponce... Arse.

Yesterday I was on the verge of a breakdown. This may be over-dram but I was convinced I had lost my art folder. Yeah, yeah, it's an art folder but it is a year's worth of work and the deadline for it is at the end of this month and I don't think I could make twenty A2 pages in a week! Even if it did happen, thank fully I always have some sort of (back up) plan.

The plan involved my friends coming up to my house, printing off pictures from the internet, cutting, blu-tac-ing it all down, drawing, feeding them, (hopefully not bathing them) and possibly a £5 cheque at the end! I would love to have run said sweatshop. ;_; Oh well, too bad for them and me that the art folder was in school. (However that meant I had to get up at 10 so I would get to school at 11, for fear that the school would close early at around half 12 due to the last exam finishing sometime around then.)

Most things were booked a week or so ago, but Xiang, Amy, Heather and I are all of to Rome at the end of the summer holidays! Something I am looking particularly forward to. The KLM (Ryanair – No ta) flights were £150 rtn but because Heather was unsure about attending in the first place, they increased slightly to £180 as time went on. However, me saving up my AIR MILES <3 over the past... three years... managed to get it at a fraction of the price >_> Don't tell them.

Quoth the Salvador Sally:

Excellent wretch! says (01:03):

oh dear, apparently ponce means male homosexual (HOMO-SEXUAL)

Xiang says (01:05):

... JE NE SUIS PAS UN PONCE!

Excellent wretch! says (01:06):

xD

Xiang says (01:06):

you were talking about amelia earhard. This is one theory:

"Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean."

Xiang says (01:07):

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in evolution

*earhart

Excellent wretch! says (01:07):

isnt he some rubbish actor?

lmao "amelia earhard" is going on my blog

Xiang says (01:08):

he's a martial artist that chainmai loves

*chainmail

Ninny

Oh for crying out loud! I just had a cup of tea and realised I have not updated this since they invented sliced bread... You would not believe that I actually have a life. Stupid global warming!

I am lost in a sea of pseudo-olde-english whilst setting fire to people wearing Crocs, soaking in the tub, just generally being a nuisance to various lawyers I met recently, and performing in English examinations. My day seems to be packed from the second I am woken by murderous Teletubbies to 11am at which point I fall asleep on the couch. I am totally exhausted and need to finish my art folder. I wish you could be here to share it. Honestly.

But really, it's just an honour to be nominated alongside so many other toothsome beans. I want to thank my agent, who stuck with me after I was found hollering at that bath plug—not Jacqui Smith's. I'd like to also thank my fuzzy family, and the golden globetrotter. I better stop now before I say something stupendous. Thank you, and holy moly.

PS: I solemnly swear I will update you with my nefarious activities as soon as I get a chance. Assuming I don't get distracted eating Pepperidge farm cookies, M&S cookies, Buchanan's Creams from Tesco or Quality Street.