Uhm, yeah

Channel 4 is so laughable now... I just hate that stupid man in the blue blazer with curly hair stating these stupidily ironic things... LMAO... yeah ¬.¬

Utter shite includes:

"My spam filter's got it in for me. It keeps preventing me from winning the Nigerian lottery."

"How do you know what comparison site's the best?"

"My weather site has the wind direction." *does stupid prance*

"Search engine: answering life's big questions like... 'What else has he been in?'"

In other Channel 4 rubbishness:

"Have You Been Watching?" is the worst television show on right now. Ever. Basically this ugly man presents whose eyes are about two meters further back from his chin, moaning about... just about everything on television right now. Yes, yes, Big Brother is abysmal. But so is this completely hypocritical show.

Quoth:

"It was absolutely fucking shit."
"Oh, do you watch it?"
"Yes."
[Roar of (forced, probably) laughter.]

It is fundamentaly flawed! In order to laugh/moan/bitch/lampoon rubbish tv, you need to watch it first to know it's rubbish... But then you keep on watching it...? Stupid weird-faced man.

Do these come in orange?

He says, holding a two bunches of broccoli. Yes, I'm talking about the Dale Winton clip in Asda.

On another note, however, for my summer project I've decided to collate all the nasty, naff, nauseating, noisome and noxious clothes on ASOS and make it into a nice collage! Alexander McQueen is, by far, the worst offender. Also, the choice of model... Just no. Never has the devil been good looking. You'll have to wait till next time when I've made the collage and have a picture of his face.

Yesteryear I returned from Heather's abode. We all went to Aldi to buy lots of crap... Not as cheap as I expected! Still yet to enter a Lidl. Besides, some of the stuff was absolutely disgusting.

First off were the cheese corners—they were not corners; they were pyramids. And the cheese! What cheese was that? Amy ended up throwing hers out the window then I followed suit. I got further xD Heather brought up "Poppin Chicken" thereafter but I feared it was undercooked as it was a little gooey and... lukewarm. Next were the potatoes wedges (this was a four-course meal, after all): bland. Sorry! Even apple brown sauce never made them any better than their state of culinary limbo. Oh, what was next? Ah, rocket and mozzarella pizza. By Jove, it tasted like bacon. I kid you not. We ate half of it... I recommended we leave it in the oven forevermore; well like half an hour. Eventually the room filled with smoke (no smoke alarm?) then Heather went outside as we then realised she had asthma. Whoops.

As everyone was outside, we played tig; eventually succumbing to locking Xiang outside. Meanwhile, Amy, Hayley, Xiang (he managed to body slam the door) and I were sitting around the table in the kitchen, whilst Heather and Sammie were doing their business in the living room. I think we talked for a long, long time, before we finally had to make our own fun. Yes, making concoctions for each other to drink/eat made from three rank ingredients combined in the kitchen cupboards. I made Hayley a mincemeat-icing sugar-Robinson's OJ drink! Ew. XD

Amy made me one and someone else someone else... I can't help it! It's the retrograde amnesia, y'see? After making each other drinks, Sammie came in and gave us into trouble >.> *SIGH* for opening all the stuff in the kitchen (even though it was already open...). Oh well! It was time for me to go home now (and Xiang) as I do not like leaving my house unoccupied for fear of burglary from the heroin addicts several closes down. Scum of the earth! Some may take offense at that... It's their own fault for getting into that state. No one to blame but themselves. [Goes back to reading the Daily Mail.]

Aaaanyway, in other news I will finally be able to afford some spending money for Rome fairly quickly as I now work in Marks & Spencer!

How dare he

MJ is dead! How DARE he!

I wanted to go see him in concert! Outrageous. I'm still not over his death. I wish he was my dad... yes, that does seem a little odd... but I could just tell him to hit out with "Beat It" then I'd be happy. So yeah, he's been on WMP for aaages now.

We ordered a giant Tesco order online, totalling about £80... lol. Most of it was my fortnightly shop anyway to survive. So everyone was up, then Xiang starting moaning at the food i prepared for him for dinner. "I SHOULD HAVE HAD THE PASTA!!!!" How ungrateful!

Oh well, in the end we started singing "just beat it!" at him whilst pointing at the door. So then we all watched Masterchef... and thank god we did; otherwise we would have never have heard "BOOZY PRUNES" in a hilarious voice. Even this guy noticed too! Thank god.

I put them in this frisbee, then I throw them at the little children!

Goodness gracious! I just returned from my daily swim on my beautiful Fijian beach and realised I have not updated this since petrol was cheaper than a bottle of Grange... You would not believe the amount of people that are totally stalking me. Unbelievable.

I am distracted with my obsession of saving money, choosing my retirement village, just generally being a great friend to my friends (they love it!). My day sprawls from the moment my children manage to unlock my bedroom door and use me as a jumping castle to well after sun-down. I am so tired of my kids wanting me to give them attention and stuff. Can't they see I am blogging?

I absolutely, positively promise if one more person emails me to ask why I haven't posted today I will start posting pictures of toe fungus, or fecal murals. Well, I'll try. Don't hold your breath though, you're likely to turn blue...

Also this

Xiang says (01:08):
can I see your blog?
Excellent wretch! says (01:10):
you'll have to find it >.>
you've seen it before... i remember
Xiang says (01:10):
I lost the link ;_;
Excellent wretch! says (01:11):
you'll have to find it!
it's the amelia earhard of the blog world

Posh Hot Schnappsolate

I just finished drinking a hot chocolate and eating a croissant (I'm not French, honest) and watching The Reader. My mum already finished reading the book and I haven't started (still reading the other Kate Winslet book Little Children), but I think it'll be next on the reading list. I –still– have books from 2007 that I haven't read. I just read slowly!

Yesterday was the maths exam which, I am pleased to say, (I think) went rather well. [Salvador] Sally [Struthers] says Zai-Betch says he got 100%. Ponce... Arse.

Yesterday I was on the verge of a breakdown. This may be over-dram but I was convinced I had lost my art folder. Yeah, yeah, it's an art folder but it is a year's worth of work and the deadline for it is at the end of this month and I don't think I could make twenty A2 pages in a week! Even if it did happen, thank fully I always have some sort of (back up) plan.

The plan involved my friends coming up to my house, printing off pictures from the internet, cutting, blu-tac-ing it all down, drawing, feeding them, (hopefully not bathing them) and possibly a £5 cheque at the end! I would love to have run said sweatshop. ;_; Oh well, too bad for them and me that the art folder was in school. (However that meant I had to get up at 10 so I would get to school at 11, for fear that the school would close early at around half 12 due to the last exam finishing sometime around then.)

Most things were booked a week or so ago, but Xiang, Amy, Heather and I are all of to Rome at the end of the summer holidays! Something I am looking particularly forward to. The KLM (Ryanair – No ta) flights were £150 rtn but because Heather was unsure about attending in the first place, they increased slightly to £180 as time went on. However, me saving up my AIR MILES <3 over the past... three years... managed to get it at a fraction of the price >_> Don't tell them.

Quoth the Salvador Sally:

Excellent wretch! says (01:03):

oh dear, apparently ponce means male homosexual (HOMO-SEXUAL)

Xiang says (01:05):

... JE NE SUIS PAS UN PONCE!

Excellent wretch! says (01:06):

xD

Xiang says (01:06):

you were talking about amelia earhard. This is one theory:

"Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean."

Xiang says (01:07):

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in evolution

*earhart

Excellent wretch! says (01:07):

isnt he some rubbish actor?

lmao "amelia earhard" is going on my blog

Xiang says (01:08):

he's a martial artist that chainmai loves

*chainmail

Ninny

Oh for crying out loud! I just had a cup of tea and realised I have not updated this since they invented sliced bread... You would not believe that I actually have a life. Stupid global warming!

I am lost in a sea of pseudo-olde-english whilst setting fire to people wearing Crocs, soaking in the tub, just generally being a nuisance to various lawyers I met recently, and performing in English examinations. My day seems to be packed from the second I am woken by murderous Teletubbies to 11am at which point I fall asleep on the couch. I am totally exhausted and need to finish my art folder. I wish you could be here to share it. Honestly.

But really, it's just an honour to be nominated alongside so many other toothsome beans. I want to thank my agent, who stuck with me after I was found hollering at that bath plug—not Jacqui Smith's. I'd like to also thank my fuzzy family, and the golden globetrotter. I better stop now before I say something stupendous. Thank you, and holy moly.

PS: I solemnly swear I will update you with my nefarious activities as soon as I get a chance. Assuming I don't get distracted eating Pepperidge farm cookies, M&S cookies, Buchanan's Creams from Tesco or Quality Street.

I forgot to leave you with this Photoshop Disaster. Ciao!

No, tobacco is not one of your five-a-day

Well Amy and I went into town to find some ugly sweaters for Heatherina the Ballerina's Ugly Sweater Party. After a while in TK Maxx, Amy found, quite possibly, the most hideous and ugliest thing I'd ever seen to grace the earth. It's black with sky blue palm trees with lots of sequined jewels and bedazzler thingys.

I unfortunately had just a few candidates. There was pretty bad Ralph Lauren vest that weighed a tonne, but I think it was in the region of £50. There was another bad t-shirt that was red, white and blue and had the number 1 all over it... for some reason; that was also pretty dear, at £17. I mean, I'm only going to be wearing this once and I'd rather not pay that for it.

And so we grew hunger forevermore and travelled to Millies Cookies and Burger King (fatties), and continued on my quest for an ugly sweater. Blah blah blah, then Sainsbury's phoned Amy saying she was supposed to be working so she had to leave.

I had a look in Zara been never seen anything... well I did, but they were £50 shoes. *sigh* But I think Zara need to seriously address their size issues... not EVERYONE is an extra large, y'know?

Put that collar down; this isn’t 1999

I am glad my dissertation is close to completion. I just need to write some more stuff on word choice, even though I'm certain I briefly mentioned it. Nonetheless, I shall expand and hand it in on Monday, April 20^th.

Today was, as usual, exasperating. Dr. Gavin has something to say about everything and, when I was asked on my studying timetable and I said I study for less than an hour a day, and saying I was doing three Advanced Highers, had the most ridiculous and spasmodic episode I've seen in a long time. Thank god school is almost over. That class just sucks the life out of anything imaginable.

    Tomorrow will be... shite, at least in school. I have a free period, then a crappy thing in church for about an hour, during that time I will be alone as neither Heather nor Amy are coming in tomorrow. Hopefully I'll find Hayley or Xiang, assuming the latter is not humming of fish.
    Then there is double art, which is actually alright as I'm making a nice collage, so that could be the second-most highlight of tomorrow. On the other hand with art, it means lugging a gigantic folder home.

    Because of folder crappiness, I will go home and drop that and my bag off and my set into town with my aunt or something, as I need to buy a new shirt. Zara seems to come to mind as I've seem to be buying a lot from there recently, despite their quality and apparently "cheap" prices. But at least the stock is updated, like, twice a week apparently (eavesdropping on staff) and, unlike, H&M, you can go into school and not have 25 other people wearing the same clothes as you.

Anna Karenina, 2009

I'm sorry I've deserted you for so long, this blog outage (bloggage?), but I really can't be bothered with you. This is practically a ghost blog anyway.

I've discovered that there's an Anna Karenina blog post for reading in 2009. I am, of course, 88 days behind, and it is rather disappointing to realise that others have already finished! [Link] However, I am thirty odd pages into Crime and Punishment and it seems to be a little confusing... but perhaps it's just me. I will need to continue reading... surely there is a chart thing on the internet that can tell me how much to read each night so I can finish by a certain time. Actually, I have discovered this reading timeline so I am not behind! This is actually wonderful news and I am quite happy... Lord, this is sad.

Everyone in English is moaning about Antony and Cleopatra but if you would just appreciate how good it is, then I think you'd notice how magnificent it is. I still have to re-read it and but notes on it, and the nice people in Borders traded my A Streetcar Named Desire for Othello notes, the other Shakespearean play we have to study.

It is 00:50 and Xiang is forcing me to play spelling bee... I'm pretending I can't notice anything on the website; I shall finish this tomorrow, sans spelling bees.

Oh

Apparently there is to be a new RoboCop film.

I actually can't be arsed writing about what happened at my house...

Four Years

Has it really been that long since I first typed the first post?

That deserves a special celebration:

UGLY SWEATER PARTY

The concept is simple. There really is only one place to get ugly sweaters: TK Maxx. There will be prizes for the ugliest sweater. Why, this is what white people do, according to the blog, including correcting grammar mistakes (yes! I do that >.>) and drinking Nescafé Gold Blend. Well that one wasn’t in it, but it should be... Actually it is, #1: Coffee.

It doesn’t specifically say Nescafé Gold Blend, but it should be.

I am frequently reminded that it is on offer in Sainsbury’s! But I shall forever be faithful to Tesco.

And so the show must go on

Well it really has been a long time since I updated this and it kind of seems like a lost cause. But never mind, I shall go on and work in reverse chronological order.

I bought a really nice top from Zara today. It's like a cardigan but it's got a hood, but it isn't heavy like a hoodie. Hmm, a hoodigan. I also got this egg, bacon and truffle breakfast Panini (Word says Panini should be capitalised) from Starbucks (I'm certain it was truffles but it could have been—dare I say it?—mushrooms). It was really nice for a breakfast thing at four pm! I got this brilliant Tennessee Williams One-Act Plays novella, it's really good. Some are a little boring and redneck but others are such an influence for these plays that I've been writing for English on Thursdays. WILLIAMS! I have a new favourite playwright—Woody Allen and William Shakespeare are shite. So is Arthur Miller. Snoozefest.

I had everyone come up to my house and there was hilarity, lateness and crepes to ensue. I, of course, made them as I am such a culinary and gastronomic prodigy. They eventually turned out like blobs near the end because I ran out of batter and I couldn't be bothered making another batch for two people. And I would have wasted an egg. Also, I keep making the delectable Nigella Lawson spruced-up vanilla cake! Oh my lord it is practically orgasmic.

I had to attend this, thought it would be, awful furniture convention at the Galerie d'art Moderne (that always sounded much nicer in French) but it turned out to be alright. There was a one hour talk on furniture design—think someone from IKEA talking to you for an hour about all the furniture in the store. Then I, alone, the only person from the school, and about twenty other pupils from an art college went down to look at all the paintings and draw some inspiration from them. Of course, I drew a stupid tree trunk. [One hour lunch break.] We then proceeded to design something from the shapes, basically what we done last year, then I moulded it out onto this foamy thing then it ended up looking like a giant foam tooth. I returned to school then threw the tooth at Xiang in maths.

I turned 17 in January—it really wasn't that excited as there's nothing you can do at 17 that you couldn't at 16. Yes, besides driving, but I'm excluding that as I find it completely irrelevant. I got money, clothes and some books. I'm still waiting on Common Errors in English. Cough. Although that does remind me that I've to pay Amy for those darn papers. I'm also away to New York again at the end of February for a week, so there shall be much buying of new and good stuff. Air Traffic Chaos! lol

I have a gigantic dissertation to do for English, as well as an Art and Design dissertation too. (Who would have thought you can get a grade by talking about the wonders of designers and lamps?) But Art is good fun and I shouldn't complain cos it's really just my fun subject that I chose.

My stupid cat is so unbelievably greedy. I thought cats were supposed to be fussy but, oh lord, not him. He's always got his face in the bin looking for food, or he jumps onto your shoulder when you have a bowl of cereal so you end up looking like Cerberus is your Siamese twin. But I mean, we feed him and all, he eats it then he eats more and that ends up being just too much for him so he's always sick after that—I just don't understand him. And he's so bloody noisy in the morning! I really need to move than ironing board. I also have a new computer, but it's not that exciting. It's nice and black. Also! I've found a brilliant blog, although I have heard of it before, it needs an official mention: stuffwhitepeoplelike.com