Ninny

Oh for crying out loud! I just had a cup of tea and realised I have not updated this since they invented sliced bread... You would not believe that I actually have a life. Stupid global warming!

I am lost in a sea of pseudo-olde-english whilst setting fire to people wearing Crocs, soaking in the tub, just generally being a nuisance to various lawyers I met recently, and performing in English examinations. My day seems to be packed from the second I am woken by murderous Teletubbies to 11am at which point I fall asleep on the couch. I am totally exhausted and need to finish my art folder. I wish you could be here to share it. Honestly.

But really, it's just an honour to be nominated alongside so many other toothsome beans. I want to thank my agent, who stuck with me after I was found hollering at that bath plug—not Jacqui Smith's. I'd like to also thank my fuzzy family, and the golden globetrotter. I better stop now before I say something stupendous. Thank you, and holy moly.

PS: I solemnly swear I will update you with my nefarious activities as soon as I get a chance. Assuming I don't get distracted eating Pepperidge farm cookies, M&S cookies, Buchanan's Creams from Tesco or Quality Street.

I forgot to leave you with this Photoshop Disaster. Ciao!

No, tobacco is not one of your five-a-day

Well Amy and I went into town to find some ugly sweaters for Heatherina the Ballerina's Ugly Sweater Party. After a while in TK Maxx, Amy found, quite possibly, the most hideous and ugliest thing I'd ever seen to grace the earth. It's black with sky blue palm trees with lots of sequined jewels and bedazzler thingys.

I unfortunately had just a few candidates. There was pretty bad Ralph Lauren vest that weighed a tonne, but I think it was in the region of £50. There was another bad t-shirt that was red, white and blue and had the number 1 all over it... for some reason; that was also pretty dear, at £17. I mean, I'm only going to be wearing this once and I'd rather not pay that for it.

And so we grew hunger forevermore and travelled to Millies Cookies and Burger King (fatties), and continued on my quest for an ugly sweater. Blah blah blah, then Sainsbury's phoned Amy saying she was supposed to be working so she had to leave.

I had a look in Zara been never seen anything... well I did, but they were £50 shoes. *sigh* But I think Zara need to seriously address their size issues... not EVERYONE is an extra large, y'know?

Put that collar down; this isn’t 1999

I am glad my dissertation is close to completion. I just need to write some more stuff on word choice, even though I'm certain I briefly mentioned it. Nonetheless, I shall expand and hand it in on Monday, April 20^th.

Today was, as usual, exasperating. Dr. Gavin has something to say about everything and, when I was asked on my studying timetable and I said I study for less than an hour a day, and saying I was doing three Advanced Highers, had the most ridiculous and spasmodic episode I've seen in a long time. Thank god school is almost over. That class just sucks the life out of anything imaginable.

    Tomorrow will be... shite, at least in school. I have a free period, then a crappy thing in church for about an hour, during that time I will be alone as neither Heather nor Amy are coming in tomorrow. Hopefully I'll find Hayley or Xiang, assuming the latter is not humming of fish.
    Then there is double art, which is actually alright as I'm making a nice collage, so that could be the second-most highlight of tomorrow. On the other hand with art, it means lugging a gigantic folder home.

    Because of folder crappiness, I will go home and drop that and my bag off and my set into town with my aunt or something, as I need to buy a new shirt. Zara seems to come to mind as I've seem to be buying a lot from there recently, despite their quality and apparently "cheap" prices. But at least the stock is updated, like, twice a week apparently (eavesdropping on staff) and, unlike, H&M, you can go into school and not have 25 other people wearing the same clothes as you.

Anna Karenina, 2009

I'm sorry I've deserted you for so long, this blog outage (bloggage?), but I really can't be bothered with you. This is practically a ghost blog anyway.

I've discovered that there's an Anna Karenina blog post for reading in 2009. I am, of course, 88 days behind, and it is rather disappointing to realise that others have already finished! [Link] However, I am thirty odd pages into Crime and Punishment and it seems to be a little confusing... but perhaps it's just me. I will need to continue reading... surely there is a chart thing on the internet that can tell me how much to read each night so I can finish by a certain time. Actually, I have discovered this reading timeline so I am not behind! This is actually wonderful news and I am quite happy... Lord, this is sad.

Everyone in English is moaning about Antony and Cleopatra but if you would just appreciate how good it is, then I think you'd notice how magnificent it is. I still have to re-read it and but notes on it, and the nice people in Borders traded my A Streetcar Named Desire for Othello notes, the other Shakespearean play we have to study.

It is 00:50 and Xiang is forcing me to play spelling bee... I'm pretending I can't notice anything on the website; I shall finish this tomorrow, sans spelling bees.

Oh

Apparently there is to be a new RoboCop film.

I actually can't be arsed writing about what happened at my house...

Four Years

Has it really been that long since I first typed the first post?

That deserves a special celebration:

UGLY SWEATER PARTY

The concept is simple. There really is only one place to get ugly sweaters: TK Maxx. There will be prizes for the ugliest sweater. Why, this is what white people do, according to the blog, including correcting grammar mistakes (yes! I do that >.>) and drinking Nescafé Gold Blend. Well that one wasn’t in it, but it should be... Actually it is, #1: Coffee.

It doesn’t specifically say Nescafé Gold Blend, but it should be.

I am frequently reminded that it is on offer in Sainsbury’s! But I shall forever be faithful to Tesco.

And so the show must go on

Well it really has been a long time since I updated this and it kind of seems like a lost cause. But never mind, I shall go on and work in reverse chronological order.

I bought a really nice top from Zara today. It's like a cardigan but it's got a hood, but it isn't heavy like a hoodie. Hmm, a hoodigan. I also got this egg, bacon and truffle breakfast Panini (Word says Panini should be capitalised) from Starbucks (I'm certain it was truffles but it could have been—dare I say it?—mushrooms). It was really nice for a breakfast thing at four pm! I got this brilliant Tennessee Williams One-Act Plays novella, it's really good. Some are a little boring and redneck but others are such an influence for these plays that I've been writing for English on Thursdays. WILLIAMS! I have a new favourite playwright—Woody Allen and William Shakespeare are shite. So is Arthur Miller. Snoozefest.

I had everyone come up to my house and there was hilarity, lateness and crepes to ensue. I, of course, made them as I am such a culinary and gastronomic prodigy. They eventually turned out like blobs near the end because I ran out of batter and I couldn't be bothered making another batch for two people. And I would have wasted an egg. Also, I keep making the delectable Nigella Lawson spruced-up vanilla cake! Oh my lord it is practically orgasmic.

I had to attend this, thought it would be, awful furniture convention at the Galerie d'art Moderne (that always sounded much nicer in French) but it turned out to be alright. There was a one hour talk on furniture design—think someone from IKEA talking to you for an hour about all the furniture in the store. Then I, alone, the only person from the school, and about twenty other pupils from an art college went down to look at all the paintings and draw some inspiration from them. Of course, I drew a stupid tree trunk. [One hour lunch break.] We then proceeded to design something from the shapes, basically what we done last year, then I moulded it out onto this foamy thing then it ended up looking like a giant foam tooth. I returned to school then threw the tooth at Xiang in maths.

I turned 17 in January—it really wasn't that excited as there's nothing you can do at 17 that you couldn't at 16. Yes, besides driving, but I'm excluding that as I find it completely irrelevant. I got money, clothes and some books. I'm still waiting on Common Errors in English. Cough. Although that does remind me that I've to pay Amy for those darn papers. I'm also away to New York again at the end of February for a week, so there shall be much buying of new and good stuff. Air Traffic Chaos! lol

I have a gigantic dissertation to do for English, as well as an Art and Design dissertation too. (Who would have thought you can get a grade by talking about the wonders of designers and lamps?) But Art is good fun and I shouldn't complain cos it's really just my fun subject that I chose.

My stupid cat is so unbelievably greedy. I thought cats were supposed to be fussy but, oh lord, not him. He's always got his face in the bin looking for food, or he jumps onto your shoulder when you have a bowl of cereal so you end up looking like Cerberus is your Siamese twin. But I mean, we feed him and all, he eats it then he eats more and that ends up being just too much for him so he's always sick after that—I just don't understand him. And he's so bloody noisy in the morning! I really need to move than ironing board. I also have a new computer, but it's not that exciting. It's nice and black. Also! I've found a brilliant blog, although I have heard of it before, it needs an official mention: stuffwhitepeoplelike.com

...

I can't really think what to post... So have this:

Selling Scheduled Air Travel

Exam results! I woke up at half five at first, then six, then about five past eight before I finally got the e-mail xD

Chemistry - A
English - B
Mathematics - A
Art and Design - A
Biology - A

Ragdoll!

Ah! My auntie has a ragdoll cat and it's so fluffy and placid, it just flops all over you and it's like a giant marshmallow, ha. It looks very much like this!



Still doing art crap. Results soon. Art crap.

Art

I've finally started work for school (that does mean browsing the internet for lamps, but you do find some nice ones. Anyway, I came across this:



I don't know what it is... but I do love it.

Untitled #2

I thought this might not be appropriate, but then I realised "Yes, as a joke!" and I'm sure there are worse.

Praise the lord

Thank god I never had to go into town, but no wonder! It was very rainy indeed. But then I did feel bad because it was sunny and I finally went down to M&S for battered prawnies.

Fantasy band!

• Go to Wikipedia and the first random article you get after clicking the 'Random article' button is the name of your band.
• Then go to www.quotationspage.com, hit the random quotations button, and the last four words of the very last quote on the page are the title of your first album.
• Finally, go to http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/ and the third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

Name:
Lawrence (the first one was "List of Death Note characters" but I wasn't having that!)
Album:
"Information in The World"
Cover:


SHE'S WEARING CROCS! UGH. But other than that, it's a pretty good image xD

Gumsy Wotsit!

Oh my god, I think tomorrow (really 10 hours from now) is going to be really bad. Mainly because it'll be crap! But it's going to be a counter-balance because I have to make a big fat cake. And that cous cous I served to everyone two days ago was two months out of date.

I've ordered Sybil: The True Story of a Woman Possessed by Sixteen Separate Personalities by Flora Rheta Schreiber, and Infidel by Ayaan Hirsi Ali. Everyone needs a controversial author every now and then. My reading list over the summer has now swelled: Frankenstein, The Island of Doctor Moreau, Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Anna Karenina, Crime and Punishment, We, Understanding Mental Illness and finally Teach Yourself Psychology.

I just wish I was like Celine:

"Celine has an over-sized brain." - Mr. G.

Untitled #1

This week and the last have been good! Endless Trivial Pursuit and watching Bargain Hunt at 4.20am. Of course, I eventually did have to retire but that means not waking up until two in the afternoon.

Xiang, on the other hand, has stained my cushions! Dirty bastard. He did not appreciate the picture of his face on Madonna's cone bra stuck to my front door's peephole, and the picture of him dressed in female's clothing [furfag] on the main door. The look on his face was the most hilarious thing I have seen in quite some time. If you can imagine a cross between the emoticons of T_T and :@

Where've you been, bitch?

Oh, thank god you're here. I don't have a lot to type about except that this is distracting me (pfft) when I should be reading all of my English books! But I've had the entire house to myself for two weeks as my parents have gone half-way across the world -- thankfully I don't like beaches. So I've just been eating lots and lots of ice cream and dulce de leche whilst watching Special Victims' Unit. I'm just like Brave Africa: A laugh riot.

I

cannot believe that it is actually June and this year is almost half over. What a waste. Nevertheless, my eyes have been glued to this monitor as for about three days solid I've just sat and watched all of Lost's season three. I absolutely hate Sky for stealing one of the few things Channel 4 was good at, but at least they aren't at a snail's pace for getting episodes. Still, bastards.

The Flan Man

Well this was ages ago at night (naturally) but I had the most oddest dream. Several people from the art classes this year were in it, some of whom I've rarely spoken to, and one whose Scottish name I just cannot spell and Google won't help me. Anyway, we were all taken to the Mitchell Library but then we left for "Edinburgh Library" since Mitchell is too noisy.
After we arrived there, in what could only be The Flan Man's car, we all sat around this table then Sophia had a bag of Maltesers. And since I am practically a Malteser myself I stole them from her. Now, at the climax, someone threw a pink snooker ball at The Flan Man's head then we all had to leave, never to return. Then I woke up.

Antioxi-WHAAA?!

Oh CRA, how dare you take over Welch's! I love their grape juice. Cranberry juice is only number two now. *tear*

First, I must rant. But that word is over-used, really.

And so I sign the little prescription form, claiming that I'm in higher education (I don't think I am, but I'm certainly not paying! I don't even have a job. And don't get me started on bus fares to that apathetic place on the other side of the city) when I'm not. So I have to sit in this new chair (several weeks ago they were all of a different variety) which are all uniform. Bizarre!

Anyway, after about five minutes, this heroin junkie comes in then goes into this little booth with the "METHADONE. NO CHILDREN ALLOWED" sign scrawled in giant bold letters, but I let it pass as I keep staring ahead, not wanting to see her tainted visage, even though about ten other people were all in line first.

Still sitting in this leather seat that was becoming uncomfortably hot, another crackhead comes in and is served before me. HOW DARE SHE? (xi)

My name is called and so I can only feel Schadenfreude and announce the embarrassment of them by asking if those addicts are more important than actual sick people; of course, they are probably emotionally sick. But she just stares, and I don't really care so I just leave. I hope this doesn't happen again otherwise it'll be a not-so-anonymous letter people will be receiving.